Raphael, the surrogate
by KerryAnne
Summary: Leo and Donnie are happy together and are broody when April and Casey tell them they're going to have a baby. Knowing that Raphael can have babies and that could be their only shot at being parents, Donnie asks him if he'd be willing to be a surrogate. Wanting to make his secret crush, Leo happy, Raphael agrees, hoping Leo will see him in a new light when he's gravid and want him.
1. Donnie's request

Leo's 16  
Don's 16  
Mikey's 16  
Raphael's 15

Raphael was sitting on the couch and watching a movie with Mikey, when noises emanated from the entrance of the lair. The green eyed turtle looked up and saw Leo, his arms around Don's waist. Raphael's heart sank and he seethed with jealousy. Clearly the couple had had a wonderful honeymoon at the farm house. They'd probably fucked to their heart's content and then some. Life isn't fair, Raphael thought miserably. I love Leo and everythin' 'bout him. I love his cute butt, his stunnin' eyes, his adorable tail, his legs, the way he makes me feel when he's around. Butterflies and all that shit. I love him so much it hurts. We got so much in common and we belong together. Not him and Donnie. It's fuckin' unfair that I gotta watch them act so lovey-dovey. I wish Leo would tell Donnie he wants me and…. I bet Donnie's a snooze in bed. I wouldn't be. I'd make Leo feel loved and happy in every single way. I would if he'd just open his eyes and see that.

"Is something wrong, Raph?" Leo asked, taking in his brother's murderous expression.

Yeah, Raphael thought. Yer with him and not me. Why don't ya see we belong together, Leo? We fit, are the same sides of the coin and complement one another. Not ya and borin' Donnie.

"No," Raphael said. "I just missed ya, bro. Ain't the same when ya ain't 'round."  
"Do you have a crush on Leo, Raphie?" Mikey asked. "Aw. That's cute, but he's spoken for!"  
"No!" Raphael said quickly. "I just…the lair was quiet and I had ta spend it with Mikey. He ain't the sharpest tool in the box and I missed talkin' ta ya, Leo!"  
"Hey. I resent that!" Mikey said crossly.

"True," Raphael said with a shrug. "Good yer…. Good yer both back. Did ya have a fun time?"

"The best," Don supplied. "Didn't, we , hon? It was peaceful there. I love it. It was magical having alone time and communing with nature. We're thinking of asking April if we could move there someday if she doesn't want to live there, so we could raise our young."  
"That's right," Leo said. "Our young. We've been together for a year now and married for a couple of weeks. I think the next logical step's having kids. April's due any day and it made us broody. We'd love to have young of our own. Donnie and I talked about it and I'm one hundred percent on board."

"But yer so young, Leo! Ya sure ya want kids?" Raphael asked.  
"Don't you want them to have kids, Raph?" Mikey asked. "I think that'd be awesome. I've love to be an uncle and I'd be a terrific baby sitter."  
"Course I'd like there ta be kids, but Don and Leo are so…." Raphael said.  
"We want them and we're ready," Don said firmly. "But we have a problem. We're both males and we can't adopt, because we're mutants. So unless mutants gain rights, we won't fulfil our dream of being parents. It's sad, but true. I could always try cloning Leo and I, but that's not a guarantee either and I don't always have access to those resources."

An idea hit Raphael and he smiled inwardly. If his plan worked, he'd gain Leo and he and Leo would live happily forever with their young. Not Donnie. No, Donnie belonged with someone like Mona Lisa. She was smart, a boffin, and they could have a boring life together and talk science all they wanted. Yawn. But he, Raphael, would finally have what he'd desired since he was thirteen. Leo. Raphael knew Splinter might be disgusted with it and banish them. Not because they'd been raised as brothers, but because of Leo cheating on Donnie, but Raphael didn't care. All that mattered was that he and Leo were together and he had no doubt they could forge a new life together anywhere they wished.

"Actually," Raphael said. "I got a secret I've been keepin'."  
"Like what?" Mikey asked. "Did you eat the last slice of cake, Raph?"  
"Nope. A bigger one. I discovered a few months ago that I'm intersex."

His brothers' jaws dropped, looks of disbelief written all over their faces.

Donnie was the first to compose himself and he said, "Why didn't you tell us, Raph?"  
"I was embarrassed. What male likes admittin' he's got ovaries, a uterus , a cock and can lay eggs, especially Alpha me? I was feelin' sick a while back and I felt bloated and a bulge in my tail. I went somewhere private and laid a clutch of eggs. Three. All duds. I took the eggs ta Leatherhead and he ran some tests on me. He told me I'm intersex and I can lay eggs. Of course, I'd need them ta be fertilized if there are gonna be babies, but ya know what this means?"

"There are going to be babies!" Mikey squealed happily, clapping his hands.

"Hold on!" Leo said. "That means one of us has to sleep with you, Raph, and I'm with Donnie, so I can't."

Donnie rubbed his chin thoughtfully and said, "Actually, I could inject Raph with our semen. If it takes, he'll become gravid, so it'll be done clinically. He'd be a surrogate for us and he'd be expected to stay as such and without any of the parental responsibilities. Me and Leo would be the parents. Raphael is the surrogate and uncle. Would you agree to those terms, Raph? Could you be our surrogate and hand over the young?"  
"Course. I'd do anythin' for Leo….For ya and Leo. Ya wanna be parents so bad and it ain't like I'm gonna meet someone and have babies of my own. I wanna make ya happy. Ya deserve ta be parents and knowin' I can make yer dream come true makes me feel great. I wanna do it."

"Do we want to know who fathered the kids?" Leo asked.  
"It'll be easy to tell when the kids hatch," Don said. "But it wouldn't matter, would it, Leo?"  
"Of course not. We'd love the kids just as much, whoever the dad is. Raph, you do understand there's no going back if we do this, right?"

"Yeah, Leo. I know," Raphael said.  
"There'll be things you'll have to change diet wise. No beer and no alcohol of any kind. You could harm the babies if you do. You'll only be able to do light exercise, like walking, and you won't be able to bash Purple Dragons or fight with Casey. You'll mostly be confined to the lair. You'll be carrying a precious bundle and I don't want anything to happen to you or the baby."  
"I understand, Leo. I give ya my word I'll follow whatever ya say. I really wanna do this for ya…And for Donnie."

"I expect you to sign a contract," Donnie said. "It'll specify what rights you have and what you don't. This baby is mine and Leo's, Raph, although you're carrying it. You have no parental rights whatsoever, so don't get attached. You're just the gestational carrier. Keep that in mind."  
"I know that and relax. I agree ta yer terms. I just wanna help ya and do somethin' special for my brothers. That's all. When can we start this?" Raphael asked, patting his flat plastron.  
"I'll get the contract. You sign it, I'll run some tests and see what you're like health wise. Then we'll begin."  
"Fabulous."

Don left the room and headed to his lab.

"It's a really special and beautiful thing you're doing for us, Raph," Leo said and patted his shoulder.

Raphael felt a spark of electricity course through him. He was right. He and Leo had a connection and chemistry.

"Ain't no big deal, Leo," Raphael said. "Ya've done so much for me...And our family. I just wanna do somethin' ta say thanks."  
"I appreciate it. Thank you. I'm going to get a drink. Would you guys like anything?"

"No thanks," Raphael and Mikey said in unison.

Leo left the room.

"You sure there's no ulterior motive, Raph?" Mikey asked.  
"Huh?"  
"Why you want to give Leo and Donnie a baby? You're not love sick over Leo and hoping the baby will bring you close and that you'll be a couple, are you?"  
"Course not. I don't love Leo as nothin' other than my brother and I ain't fuckin' gay. Why can't I do somethin' kind without my motives bein' questioned? Besides, Leo loves Donnie and nothin' ain't gonna change that. I'd never cause trouble, Mikey. Ya know that I'm happy for our bros that they found love with each other."  
"I hope not, because you'll see the nasty side of me if that happens. Leo and Donnie belong together and I won't let anyone ruin that. Even you."  
"Relax, Mikey. I'm just the surrogate and I'm cool with that, bro, and I ain't gay. I told ya that, so chill."  
"Good," a reassured Mikey said. "I think Donnie and Leo will be fantastic parents. Can you imagine how cute the babies will be? Aw. I can't wait. I wonder what they'll have? A little girl would be cool. We could name her Esmeralda," Mikey said animatedly.

Raphael rubbed his plastron again and thought, I'm gonna be gravid soon. Man, I hope It's Leo's kids I'm gravid with and not Donnie's. If it is Donnie's, he ain't gonna go away. If it's Leo's, then I got a connection with both Leo and the baby and it's easier for Leo ta walk away. Fuck ya, Mikey. Yer wrong. Leo belongs with me and he's gonna see that. The baby will bring us together. Ya will see and then me and Leo are gonna have the most amazin' life together. I hope so anyway. I hope Leo will see me in a new light when I'm gravid and will woo me. I'll lap it all up and will love him in all the ways that matter. We'll be one happy family for all eternity.

 **A/N My friend, Rachael, came up with this idea. I hope you like it, Rach.**

 **The next chapter's the insemination procedure**


	2. Inseminated

Donnie returned to the lounge with Leo and said, "We'll conduct the physicals now, Raph. Please come to the lab."  
"All right."

The brothers all went into the lab.

XXXX

Don first conducted a physical on Leo, checking his blood pressure, heart, cholesterol and so on, which were all excellent.

"I have to do a sperm analysis," Don said. "To check the number of sperm, the shape of sperm and the movement of sperm. A normal result of sperm shape is that more than fifty percent of sperm are normally shaped. A normal movement result means more than fifty percent of sperm must move normally an hour after ejaculation. Sperm movement's important to fertility, because the sperm must travel to fertilize the egg. An automated system analyzes the movement for sperm and rates them on a scale of nought to four. Nought means the sperm aren't moving and a score of three or four means good movement."  
"Yawn," Mikey said. "When is Raph going to be injected?"  
"When I've completed the tests," Don said irritably. "Let me continue. A pH level should be between seven point two and seven point eight to achieve a normal result. A pH level higher than eight point nought could indicate the donor has an infection. A result less than seven point nought could indicate the specimen is contaminated or that the man's ejaculatory ducts are blocked."

"Fascinatin' stuff," Raphael said sarcastically. "So is Leo's sperm gonna fertilize my egg, because I'm ovulatin". I'm moodier than usual, so I know I am."  
"How would we know the difference?" Mikey joked, earning a slap to the side of his head from his volatile brother. "Ouch, Raph! That hurt."  
"Good!"

"Don't rush me, Raph! I have to explain everything," Don said and scowled. "The volume of semen for a normal result should be greater than two milliliters. It should take fifteen to thirty minutes before semen liquefies and while it's initially thick, its ability to liquefy or to turn to a watery consistency helps sperm move. If it doesn't liquefy in that time frame, fertility could be affected. The sperm count in a normal sperm analysis should be between twenty million to over two hundred million. This result is known as sperm density. Conceiving can be more difficult if it's low. The sperm should be whitish to gray and opalescent. Does everyone understand? If so, Leo, I want you to go into the bathroom and ejaculate into this cup. Then I'll do the sperm analysis under the microscope."  
"Okay," Leo said and left the room.

"Raph, get on the table and let me examine you," Don said. "I know you hate needles, but it won't take long. I promise."  
"I'm fine, Donnie," Raphael said, climbing onto the table and then holding out his arm.

I fuckin' hate needles, Raphael thought. But I'll do it ta make Leo happy. The smile on his face when the baby hatches will be worth all I'm gonna go through.

"Fuck!" Raphael said and grimaced, as Donnie took a sample of his blood.  
"Sorry, Raph," Donnie said, going over to his machines and examining the blood.

"Hey. It's just a needle," Mikey said. "You think that's bad, Raph. Just wait until you're bloated, your ankles are swollen, your back's killing you and then the real fun begins when you have to lay the eggs through your cloaca. That'll hurt like a bitch, bro. Man, I'm so grateful I'm a proper boy and can't lay eggs!"  
"I am a fuckin' boy!" Raphael yelled. "And I can handle pain. I'm brave and macho after all."  
"So macho you're scared of needles! What a wimp."  
"Piss off, Mikey!"  
"Aw. Is Raphie going to cry now?"

Raphael's eyes went white, a sign he was about to fly into a rage. Luckily, Donnie turned around just then.

"Enough, Mikey," Don said. "I need the surrogate of my child to be calm. Stop antagonizing him."  
"You mean her!"  
"Mikey, if you can't stop your snide remarks, leave the room. I want Raph calm. Do you understand? What he's doing is a sweet and noble thing and he doesn't need any stress."  
"Yes, Donnie. I'll sit here and behave."

Donnie turned to Raphael and said, "Everything is okay, Raph. Your sugar level is three, which is low and you have no diabetes. Your cholesterol is three, which is fantastic. I just need to check your blood pressure and then we'll hook you up to the ultra sound machine, so we can see what's going on inside."  
"Okay."  
Donnie applied the brood pressure cuff to Raphael and said a few minutes later, "Excellent. Your blood pressure is one twenty over eighty, which is normal and means you're perfectly healthy."

Donnie hooked Raphael up to the ultra sound machine and said, "You're definitely intersex, Raph. I can clearly see your uterus and ovaries, which look normal, so I have no doubt if the sperm's fertile that you'll soon fall gravid. I can also see your testes, which look fine. You don't have a vagina, so you'll expel any eggs through your cloaca. You should know that you're probably infertile, because you're intersex, so you can never have any kids of your own with a woman."  
Raphael rubbed his flat belly and said, "That's awesome, Donnie. I can't wait for the baby and ta see how happy ya and Leo are. That don't matter. It ain't like I'm gonna meet a chick anyway. I'm just glad I can help ya and Leo."

"So," Mikey said, studying the images on the screen. "Is Raph a girl or a boy?"  
"He has both parts," Donnie said. "But he identifies as a male, so if I were you, I wouldn't call him a girl, unless you want to be clobbered."

Leo entered the room and handed the cup of semen to Donnie, who showed him the images on the ultra sound machine.

"Wow," Leo said in awe. "It's true. Raph really can lay eggs."  
"Yes," Donnie said, as he unhooked Raphael from the ultra sound machine. "I'll conduct the sperm analysis under my microscope. It'll take a few hours. I'll call you when I'm done. By the way, Leo, Raph's perfectly healthy, his blood pressure was one twenty over eighty, his sugar levels were low and so was his cholesterol. He's one healthy…."

"Breeding machine," Mikey piped up. "What? Don't look at me that way. Raph is a breeding machine for you guys. Surrogate is just a fancy word for it."  
"Thank you, Doctor Mikey," Don said snarkily. "See yourself out now. Leo, you're welcome to remain here."

"I think I'll meditate and I have some things to do," Leo said. "Thank you, Raph. I know you hated needles and must have loathed all the prodding."  
"It was no big deal. Least I can do after all ya've done for me."

"Yeah, right!" Mikey said. "He squawked like a baby, when Donnie took his blood. You should have seen him, Leo. If he's like that with a needle, what will be he be like when he's gravid and when he lays the eggs?"

Raphael's eyes went white and his shoulders shook in rage. He was fed up of Mikey's taunting.

"Leave him alone, Mikey," Leo said, placing a hand on Raphael's shoulder. "He'll be doing the most selfless thing anyone could do. I think he's courageous. I couldn't do it. Me and Donnie will be there for him, so he doesn't have to worry. His every whim will be taken care of and if you can't stop your comments, I'll order you to stay away from him. He needs to be calm and peaceful, because I don't want him or any baby stressed. Do you understand, Mikey?"  
"Yes, Leo."  
"Good. I'll see you guys later," Leo said and left the room.

"I'm gonna go watch a movie," Raphael said. "Later."

"Can I stay and watch, Donnie?" Mikey asked. "Hey. You didn't do a physical on me."  
"I will tomorrow. I should be done in a couple of hours. Then I have mine to do. That'll take an hour or so. You'll get bored of sitting here. Why don't you go play a video game? I'll call you guys when I'm finished."  
"Okay. Hey, Donnie. What would you like? A girl or a boy?"  
"I don't mind, as long as they're happy and healthy."

Mikey left and went to his room to play video games.

XXXX

Four hours later, Donnie summoned his brothers to the lab for the results.

Raphael stood with his arms folded and said, "Tell us the results, Don."  
Don adjusted his glasses and said, "Our sperm's normal on all counts." He handed Raphael a thick document and said, "It's a surrogate contract. It's quite lengthy, but crucial, so all parties know where they stand. I'll make copies of this and file it. Read through it. It covers everything from recompense to covering your medical costs, to contact with the child after birth. Sign when you've read through it and have agreed to all of the terms. Leo and I'll sign as well and we'll start the artificial insemination process. We need to be sure you've read it all and fully understand what you're doing. It's easy saying you'll be a surrogate, but when you're holding a baby in your arms, feelings occur and you...This contract also protects me and Leo. Do you understand? So that you can't take our baby away if you suddenly feel like it, because although you carried the baby, it's mine and Leo's. Now I know you said you're doing this out of love for me and Leo and we're grateful, but we can't allow you to do something so special without any monetary recompense. Leo and I have agreed that while you're gravid, we'll pay for any food costs, clothing, whatever you want and when the baby's hatched you'll receive a monthly stipend for your services of four hundred Dollars for life. Should Leo and I die, we've nominated guardians to care for our young, because our deaths won't make this contract null and void. We want Mikey, Casey and April to be the guardians. You'll continue your role as Uncle Raph. Read the contract properly, Raph, and if you don't understand anything, feel free to ask me and Leo any questions."

"What contract is this?" Splinter asked, entering the room, having come to summon his sons to dinner.  
"It's a surrogate contract, Sensei," Don said. "Raph's intersex and he wants to carry our babies. I thought it was imperative we draft a contract, so that everyone understands what their rights are."  
"I don't think this is wise, the ancient rat said and clicked his tongue. "Feelings sometimes occur and dissent."  
"Yes, but this contract's protection against that and Raphael promised he'd honor it. So will Leo and I, so I see no problems. Sensei, please. This is Leo and my only shot at having a family. I know we're young, but we're all mature enough to handle whatever happens. Just think of the result. Babies. Young to nurture and love, to teach ninjitsu, to carry on our legacy. Isn't that exciting?"

"Yes," Leo chimed in. "We've fought in battles and….."  
"I don't disagree you're mature for your ages," Splinter said. "But a child's a different matter, Leonardo and Donatello. There are all kinds of responsibilities that come with it and like I said, there are such things as feelings. The birth mother….."

"Hey, hey," Raphael snapped. "I can lay eggs, but I'm still a guy! I ain't the birth mother. I'm a guy layin' the eggs and I'm doin' it, because I wanna make Leo and Donnie happy."  
"Which technically makes you a girl," Mikey said and sniggered, making his brother scowl at him.

"The fact still remains that there are emotions," Splinter said. "What if Raphael gets attached to this being he's carrying? What if he desires to care for it when it's hatched? Have you thought about that and what contact the child will have with Raphael? What if the child asks questions about how it was conceived? What will you tell it?"  
"The truth," Leo said. "The kid can decide what it wants to do when it's eighteen, but until then me and Donnie are the parents and Raph's their uncle. If dissent should arise after the hatching, me and Donnie might look into moving elsewhere, but Raph said that won't happen and that he won't cause us problems, so I don't see what the big deal is if we're all on board."

"Anyway, it's my body and if I wanna do it, I will," Raphael said. "Nothin' would make me happier than givin' Donnie and Leo the gift of a kid and it ain't like I'm gonna have kids of my own. Sensei, ya worry too much. Let us do this. Ya will have a grandkid ta spoil. I ain't gonna cause Donnie and Leo problems. They're madly in love and I'm happy for them. All I wanna do is make them happy."  
"Is that truly the only reason you're doing it for them, Raphael?" Splinter asked.  
"Yes. I ain't lookin' for a reward for doin' it. Anyway, like I said, it ain't like I'm gonna meet a girl or a guy, assumin' I was gay, which I ain't, and have a family of my own, so ya got nothin' ta worry 'bout. I'm tired of discussin' the subject. I've made up my mind and I'm doin' it. I'll read the fine print ta fully understand what it's 'bout, I'll sign and then we can start the process. We're all healthy specimens and Donnie and Leo's sperm are normal, so if all goes well they'll have a kid before the end of the year. I'll only have contact with the kid if I'm allowed. Let me read the document."  
"Very well."

"There's going to be babies!" Mikey said happily. "Lots of them."  
"It's time for dinner," Splinter said. "I cooked tonight, so come along."

"Hai, Sensei!" all of his sons said in unison.

"Take your time reading the contract, Raph," Donnie said. "Make sure you understand everything and if you don't, you can ask me and Leo for clarification."  
"No problem."

The brothers headed to the kitchen.

XXXX

Raphael was up late reading the contract and when he'd finished reading it a little after 2 a.m., he thought, I'm gonna do it for Leo. I just hope he sees me in a new light.

XXXX

The next morning, Raphael and his brothers were in the kitchen for breakfast. The temperamental turtle had the contract with him.

"I wanna sign the contract now," Raphael said. "I read everythin' and I understand my rights and the process."  
"Are you sure?" Leo asked. "There's no going back if you sign it."  
"I am," Raphael said, producing a pen from his obi. He penned his signature to the contract.

Donnie and Leo added the date and their signatures.

Leo smiled and said, "I guess we can start the insemination process now, right, Donnie?"  
"Yes," Donnie said and beamed. "We can. Let's go to the lab."

XXXX

"Raphael, lie on the stretcher," Donnie said. "Leo and I'll be back now with our sperm. Mikey, don't do anything to tick him off."  
"Okay, Donnie," Mikey said.

I can't believe this is happenin', Raphael thought excitedly, as he lay on the stretcher and made himself comfortable. I'm gonna be carryin' a new life, a new bein'. This is amazin'. I can't wait ta see Fearless's reaction when he learns I'm gravid.

Mikey busied himself with a game on Donnie's PC.

Donnie and Leo returned fifteen minutes later with samples of their sperm.

Donnie 'washed' the sperm and checked it was concentrated. That had to be done, so that the mucus and non-motile sperms were removed, meaning a greater possibility of fertilization, it might prevent someone having a possible allergic reaction to the sperm and it may help to minimize any uterine cramping.

"Does Raph need anesthetic?" Leo asked.  
"No," Donnie said. "I read up on artificial insemination. It's safe, pain free and doesn't need anesthetic. Raph will be up and walking in an hour."

"What if I don't fall gravid?" Raphael asked.  
"Then we'll keep trying," Donnie said. "Right, Raph, I'm going to inject the sperm into your reproductive tract, using the IUI method. It's needleless, which should please you. This is a fast method and pregnancy can be detected two weeks later. Lie absolutely still. I assure you it's pain free," Donnie said, inserting a speculum into Raphael and then preparing the sperm for insertion. He then inserted the sperm all the way into the uterine cavity with a thin catheter and syringe.

"You're so brave, Raph," Leo said. "Are you comfortable?"  
"I'm fine, Leo. Don't hurt at all."

"When will we know if there are babies?" Mikey asked.  
"In two weeks," Donnie said. "I'll do a blood test then to look for high levels of a hormone called beta-HCG. The test will determine whether implantation's occurred or not and, thus if the insemination was successful and pregnancy has been achieved. Right. We're nearly done, Raph. I'm going to insert this cervical sponge into your cloaca to keep the sperm near the cervix. I'll remove it in a few hours." He inserted the cervical sponge into Raphael and said, "I want you to lie here for fifteen to twenty minutes. It's believed that lying down after this procedure boosts one's chances of pregnancy. Is there anything we can bring you?"

"Nah. I'm okay. I'll just rest," Raphael said.  
"You do that and when you're up and walking," Donnie said. "I expect you to relax as much as possible and to stay stress free, especially when you're gravid. You won't be able to train then and will only be limited to light exercise, like walking. That also means no going out on the town with Casey."  
"I know. I agreed ta all of that, Donnie. I'll follow all the rules and ya'll have the baby ya want so badly. Ya and Leo."  
"I'm going to grab something to eat. Do you want anything, guys?"

"No, thanks," Leo, Raphael and Mikey said in unison.

"Mikey, let Raph rest," Donnie said. "Leo, why don't you stay with Raph to ensure he stays in bed? You know what he's like. He gets restless."  
"Fine," Mikey said. "I can't believe Raph may become gravid. I'm so stoked!" He left the room.

"Sure, Donnie," Leo said. He squeezed Raphael's hand and said, "Thank you, little brother. I appreciate everything."  
"It's nothin'."  
"Stop that. It's incredible what you're doing, Raph. I'm so grateful." He kissed Raphael's forehead and said, "I want you to know that during your pregnancy, your every wish will be taken care of. I'll help you with whatever you need and so will Donnie. I love you, Raph. Thank you."  
Raphael couldn't help blushing and he shyly said, "I love ya too, Leo. I don't say it often enough, but I do. Yer the greatest."  
"No. You are," Leo said, placing a hand on Raphael's plastron. "Not everyone could do what you're doing and not want anything in return. Thank you. You're my hero and I look forward to watching the babies growing inside of you." He removed his hand and said, "I can't believe that I may soon be a dad. Well, me and Donnie. It's the best gift anyone could ever give us. We're so thrilled. You have no idea how much and it's all down to you. You're the most remarkable person I've ever known, Raph."  
Raphael's heart swelled at the compliment and he said, "I ain't that remarkable. I'm just a hothead."  
"Rubbish. You're a sweetheart deep down," Leo said, pulling up a chair and sitting down. "I do hope you'll find love someday, Raph. You deserve that and to find someone, who adores you. You deserve the moon."  
"I'm gonna rest for a while," Raphael said, inwardly beaming at the compliment  
"Sure. I'll be here when you wake up."

Raphael closed his eyes and thought, I have found the perfect guy for me. Ya. Ya just don't realize yet that we belong together. Hopefully, ya will when I'm gravid and yer wrong. I ain't no hero. I'm just doin' it outta love for ya, who's the most sensational bein' that ever walked the planet. Fearless, yer fuckin' gorgeous and I love ya so much.

Raphael soon fell asleep and in his dreams he and Leo were living happily in another part of the sewers with their brood.

 **A/N Will Raph fall gravid? Sorry for the long and clinical explanations, but it needed to be done. My apologies for any mistakes made. You can use google if you want to check out surrogate contracts.**


	3. The strip club

The mood was upbeat at the dinner table that evening, as the brothers discussed the insemination procedure and what could happen as a result, but one brother was pensive, although he tried to hide it by plastering a smile on his face.

Leo could read Donnie like the back of his hand, though, and knew something was up. He planned on talking to him, as soon as they had a moment alone.

Dinner was soon finished and Splinter retired to his bedroom.

Mikey cleared the plates and said he'd do the washing up.

Don excused himself and said he had work to do in the lab.

Leo stood up and said, "I'm going to turn in early. Have a good night, guys." He left the room.

Raphael yawned, stood up and said, "Think I'm gonna crash. It's been a long day. I'm buggered. Night, Mikey."  
"No way, dude!" Mikey said and joined him. "You're coming out with me."  
"I don't wanna. I'm tired."  
"It's only seven p.m. You're young, Raph, and should be out having fun. Not going to bed early like boring Leo and Donnie. Come on. I promise you'll have a good time. I know a great place. It has music, booze and…."  
"Mikey, listen I… I swore I wouldn't drink alcohol."  
"Then have a soda, but you're coming with me. No excuses. Come on. Just for a couple of hours. I need to get out and so do you. You won't regret it. Please. Dude, what happened to you? You used to be so cool and now you want to retire to bed like an old fart. You've become so dull and like Leo!"  
"Maybe I like dull. Look, that kinda scene ain't me, Mikey. I got a great book I wanna read and…"  
"You're coming with me. Please. Two hours. That's all I'm asking. You can order a soda if you want. Just come with me," Mikey said and turned puppy dog eyes on his brother. "It'll be fun. Two brothers having a great night out. You won't be able to do that when you're gravid, so make the most of it, Raph."  
Raphael had never been unable to refuse his brother anything. He sighed and said, "Just a couple of hours."  
"You're going to have so much fun. There's a live DJ and who knows, you may meet someone?"  
"I don't wanna meet no one. I'm just comin', because ya bugged me."  
"Get your coat and stop being a sour puss, Raph. It won't get you laid," Mikey said and ran to his room to get ready.

I don't wanna get laid, Raphael thought, as he went to his room to dress. I'm just goin' ta keep the squirt company. I'd rather be home.

XXXX

Half an hour later, Mikey and Raphael had arrived at a club called Fantasy X.

The place was dark and dingy with dirty floors littered with bits of food, cigarette stubs and goodness what else. Pole dancers did their routines in skimpy clothing on the various chrome poles, as lecherous men ogled them and salivated. Women performed lap dances to the techno music blasting from the stage and the thick smells of sex, alcohol and cigarette smoke permeated the air. A couple performed an erotic dance on the stage and men and some women wolf whistled, clearly enjoying the display.

"What kinda shit place is this, Mikey?" Raphael yelled over the music and wrinkled his beak in revulsion. "It smells bad and I bet the food's also awful. "Why are those people doin' those things? Ain't they got pride? Whoa. Is that chick really givin' him head on that stage?"  
"It's called a strip club, bro," Mikey said and headed to the back of the place. He sat down at a table and said, "People don't come here for the food. They come here to view the girls and to relax. Give it a chance, bro, and chill. Don't worry about the staff. They know me. I come here all the time."  
"Why would ya wanna do that? This place is rank. It smells worse than home."

A busty, blue eyed blonde in a silver skin tight mini, matching heels, red lips, violet eye shadow and too much of it sauntered over and said, "Mikey, you came. I didn't think you'd make it."

Raphael thought she looked hard, trashy and had been around the block. It was hard guessing her age with so much makeup caked on her face, but she had to be at least ten years older than them. Mikey clearly had no taste and didn't care what he had, as long as he got some action.

"Now why would you think that, Dina?" Mikey said. "You know you're my favorite."  
"I bet you say that to all the girls," Dina said and giggled, as she sat down. "You're quite a stud, Mikey, even with that costume."

Raphael rolled his eyes and said, "I'm gonna get outta here. It's been real. I'll catch ya…."

"Hey, hey!" Mikey said. "Bro, you promised a couple of hours and it hasn't even been ten minutes. Stay. Dina, this is my brother, Raphael."  
"Pleasure to meet you," Raphael," Dina said and studied him. "You're almost as cute as Mikey and I love your green eyes. Did I say almost? So, what are you boys here for? To look or for the usual special?" Dina said and winked lasciviously at Raphael, who coughed nervously and studied his hands.

A brunette and dark eyed waitress in a black cocktail dress and matching heels appeared, took their orders and left.

"Raph wants the special," Mikey said and grinned. "He's a virgin and it's time that changed. I might use you after if you're not too tired. I reckon Raph has tons of stamina and might be an animal in bed. Use your magic on him the way you did on me. I remember my first time. It was heaven. Raph needs that so badly. He's so sexually pent up, it's sad."  
"What?" Raphael spluttered his green eyes wide in shock. "Is that why ya brought me here, so I can lose my virginity ta a whore? Is that how little ya think of me, bro? Fuck ya."  
"She's not any whore. She's the best, Raph, and knows everything about pleasing a man and it's not like you can get anyone else. I fuck whores and I'm fine with it. They like me and it's really fun. Just think you won't die a virgin."  
"I'd rather die a virgin than lose my innocence ta a cheap hussy!" Raphael spat. "Ya may not have any pride, but I got and…."

"I'm not that cheap," Dina said in an offended tone. "I cost a hundred for the whole way. I'll do an excellent job, sweetheart," she said and placed a hand on Raphael's arm. "Come on, honey. Lose the attitude and I'll give you the time of your life. There's my green eyed stud. I bet you're a huge boy," she purred. "Show me and let me make you happy."  
"I ain't interested, lady!" Raphael said and wrenched her hand off his arm. "Ya'll never know. Back off."  
"Few men can resist me, so maybe your brother's actually gay," Dina said and laughed.

"That's hilarious, dudette!" Mikey said and chuckled. "Raph, you're not gay, are you? Bro, you like chicks and are just playing hard to get, right? He's macho, Alpha and cocks don't turn him on. How could they when he could have a fine women like you, babe? Not Alpha and masculine Raph. I can't imagine him lusting after a guy. Dina, blow him. Raph, you'll like it. She gives good head. I should know. I've used her services for six months now."  
"I'm gay," Raphael said softly.

Dina laughed and said, "Honey, you're a virgin. You can't know for sure until you've actually boinked, which way you swing. I'll be gentle."

"My treat, Raph," Mikey said. "Come on, dude. You need it. That's all you're ever going to get, so make the most of it. Forget your dumb pride and gay shit. You're not gay. I've seen you with chick porno."  
"That was just a cover. I'm gay, Mikey, and even if I weren't, I wouldn't wanna lose my virginity ta a common whore. It might be good for ya, but I got pride and I know I deserve better. If I don't meet someone, so be it, but I ain't gonna lose my virginity ta a slut. I'd rather die a virgin and be alone. I'm goin' home. Make sure ya shower before ya do, so none of us smell what ya've been doin'."

Raphael stood up, grimaced in disgust, as he saw another woman giving oral sex to a guy on the stage and walked out.

Mikey hurried after his brother, found him at the end of the street and said, "Why would you lie about your sexuality, Raph?"  
"I knew ya'd poke fun at me and ya did. Tough, strong Raph bein' in love with a guy, when ya think I should be with a girl. I didn't want that, so I lied. Now ya know. Go on. Mock some more."  
"I'm sorry. I didn't know, bro. I wouldn't have taken you to that place if I had. Are you mad?"  
"I am. Ya don't jeer at people and make fun of them, Mikey. It hurts and I can't help the way I feel. I ain't sick and am still the same Raph. I just like guys."  
"It sucks that we can't go pick up chicks together. I thought we could. Who am I going to ask?"  
Raphael shrugged and said, "I'm goin' home. Dina's waitin' for ya."  
"I'll see her another time. Hey. If you're gay, we can go to a gay club and I can hook you up with a guy. It'd be weird, but I'd do that for you. What do you think?"  
"No. I don't wanna go ta clubs, be it gay or straight, whatever. I just wanna go home and think of Leo," Raphael blurted out and immediately covered his mouth in alarm, as Mikey stared at him in bewilderment.  
"Why Leo?" Mikey asked. "Do you want Leo? Are you telling me you're gay and in love with him?"  
Raphael removed his hand from his mouth and snapped, "Fuckin' shut up. Ya misunderstood."  
"I didn't. I might be dumb sometimes, but I didn't misinterpret that. Cut the BS and tell me the truth, Raph."  
Raphael rubbed his face and said, "Yeah. I love him and I'm nuts 'bout him. It's been that way for a long time, even before he and Donnie hooked up, but I didn't have the guts ta tell him. I'll brain ya if ya tell anyone and I'll deny it, so keep yer beak shut!"  
"Is that why you agreed to have a baby, because you love Leo and you hope he'll love you back, when you're gravid?"  
"No!" Raphael lied. "Look, I love Leo, but I know I ain't gonna have him. I just wanted ta do this ta give him a kid. He's always wanted that. I ain't gonna cause trouble for him and Donnie, okay? I said I'd honor that contract and I will. This stays between us, Mikey. I'll never forgive ya if ya say anythin'."  
"It must be extremely hard seeing them loved up and knowing you'll never have Leo. I feel for you, Raph, and I think you should see someone else to keep the loneliness away. You need that, Raph. Are you really going to spend the rest of your life pining after Leo?"  
"If I gotta, yeah, because I know no one could measure up ta him. He's everythin' pure and incredible," Raphael said and stared dreamily into space, as he pictured Leo's face and his stunning eyes.  
"Whoa. You do have a bad case of Leoitis," Mikey teased. "I'll keep quiet if you keep quiet about the club. I don't think our family would approve of it."  
"No kiddin'. It's a cess pool. Ya gotta stop goin' there and ya gotta find yerself a decent girl, Mikey. Ya deserve better than those women, who probably have diseases. I want ya ta."  
"Where am I going to find that, Raph? At least there I can have some fun."  
"Love and a relationship ain't just 'bout sex. It's 'bout respect, communication, trust and monogamy. Those girls ya visit go with whomever, as long as they get paid. Ya'll never get a proper lovin' relationship from them. I don't know where ya'll find her, but I do know she ain't in a brothel or a strip club and I do know ya deserve better than that. Ya deserve a respectful and classy girl, who ya can be proud ta bring home."  
"I guess you're right. Isn't monogamy boring?"  
"Not if yer with the right person. It's beautiful and special then. I wouldn't wanna share or be shared and if I got with Leo, he'd be more than enough for me. I'll spend my life waitin' for him if I gotta, but I won't sleep 'round or be with someone just ta have fun. I don't want casual and meaningless sex."  
"But what if I don't want love and just want casual? I love playing the field, Raph."  
"What if ya get a fuckin' sexual disease? Will ya still say the same thing, Mikey? Look, ya want a woman, fine. Go ta clubs, but don't date hookers! Damn ya, bro. Ya'd think ya'd have more pride than that. Look, I get ya got needs and urges, but gettin' yer rocks off with sluts is risky. Yer playin' with fire and it's only a matter of time before ya catch somethin'."  
"All right. I get the message! I'll stop going there," Mikey lied to shut his brother up. "Hey, Raph, you sure I can't order you a male hooker?"  
"Ya do that and I'll blab 'bout the club ta Dad."  
"I was joking."  
"I wasn't."  
"Hey, Raph? I really do hope you find love someday and I hope you get over Leo, because it's not going to happen. He'll never leave Donnie. You know that, so stop mooching over him. It'll only be endless heartache."

Raphael's cell rang. "Hey?"  
"It's Casey, Raph. April's in labor. I called Donnie and he and Leo are here. Please come."  
"Mikey and I'll be there now."

Raphael disconnected the call, relayed the conversation to Mikey and they headed to Casey's place.

 **A/N Will Mikey reveal Raph's secret about Leo?**


	4. Revealed secrets

Mikey and Raphael arrived at the apartment Casey and April shared and went inside.

XXXXX

Leo was in the lounge. He narrowed his eyes when he saw them and said irately, "Where the hell were you guys? I tried calling you, but it went to voicemail."  
"Raph and I went out to get ice cream," Mikey lied, peeking at Raphael out of the corner of his eyes and hoping he wouldn't drop him in shit. There was no way the prim and proper Leo would approve of his escapades and he'd be confined to the lair. Leo knew he dated, but he didn't know where he found his girlfriends. Mikey planned on keeping it that way.

"Yeah," Raphael said. "Ice cream. Sorry, bro. Didn't mean ta worry ya. I'll answer next time. Anywhere we're here now. How's April?"

A loud scream was heard, then the sound of a crying baby, followed by hushed whispering.

Donnie appeared in the lounge a few minutes later, looking frazzled, and adjusted his glasses.

"How is she, Donnie?" Leo asked.  
"The birth went well and there were no complications, so Mom and baby are doing great. Casey almost fainted twice. Poor guy was so nervous, but he's all right now and is totally smitten."

"So, what is it, Don?" Raphael asked.  
"A little girl. She's the sweetest thing and has her Mom's blue eyes and her red hair."

"Aw," Mikey said. "I hope we get to see her soon."

Casey entered the room, looking worn-out and said tiredly, "You can go in, but don't stay long. April needs her rest."

The brothers nodded and went inside the bedroom.

XXXX

April was lying down, her baby nestled on her stomach. She smiled when she saw the brothers and said, "Hi, guys."  
"Is that her?" Raphael asked, looking at the infant, who was dressed in a pink onesie and swaddled in a pink blanket." His heart melted, as he tenderly gazed at her and he knew she'd have him wrapped around her fingers. Just like she would with the others. He really was a softy. If this was how he felt about a kid that wasn't his own, how was he going to feel when he was gravid? Could he be emotionally detached?  
"Yes. Would you like to hold her, Raph?"  
"I couldn't," Raphael said nervously. "I might drop her."  
"Rubbish. You're so good with Chompy. I bet you'll be great with your niece. Casey, show Raph the way I told you to hold her."

Casey picked up his daughter and gently placed her in Raphael's arms.

The little girl cooed and looked up into Raphael's green eyes, making his heart flip, and he beamed.

"She's gorgeous," Raphael enthused, his heart turning to mush again. "She's so precious. Ya did good, guys. Hey there, sweetheart. I'm yer Uncle Raph."  
"You're a natural, Raph," Casey said in surprise. "Who'd have thought a lug like you would be?"  
"Look who's talkin', bonehead," Raphael retorted. "Yer equally blown away by her and we all know yer gonna be putty in her hands. Hey. Does she got a name?"

"Let Leo hold her, Raph," April said. "We've decided on a middle name, but we can't agree on a first name. We thought we'd let her uncles decide."

Raphael handed the baby to Leo, who smiled tenderly at her and kissed her cheek.

"She's so precious and tiny," Leo said in awe. "I can't believe how delicate she is. She's like a little rose and so perfect."

"I kind of like Arabella," Mikey said and clapped his hands excitedly.  
"Vivienne maybe," Donnie said.

"Aviana," Raphael and Leo said in unison.

"You like that too, Raph?" Leo said in astonishment.  
"Yeah. It's unique and beautiful. Just like the baby, but it's Casey and April's decision."

"I love it!" April said. "What do you think Casey?"  
"It works. Aviana Nicole, our princess. Thanks, guys."

"No problem," Leo said, handing the baby to Donnie, who smiled at her fondly.

Donnie then gave the baby to Mikey, who planted kisses on her cheek, making her coo.

"She's so sweet!" Mikey gushed. "I can't wait to teach her everything I know."  
"That won't take long," Raphael quipped, making Mikey glower at him and the others stifle giggles.  
"Not funny, Raph!" Mikey snapped.  
"Just bein' honest."  
"As if you're smart. We both know you're only brawn, Raph!"

"Knock it off," Leo said firmly. "April, we should go. You need to rest. Thank you for letting us see the new addition. She's magnificent."  
"Yeah," Raphael agreed. "A little angel."

Mikey gave the baby to Casey, who beamed down at her in pride.

"It's a shame none of you will experience fatherhood," April said. "I wish you could. You'd be wonderful parents."  
"That may happen," Donnie piped up. "Raph's intersex and he was artificially impregnated with mine and Leo's sperm earlier. He'll become gravid if all goes well and Leo and I'll have the baby we so badly want."

"Raph's a girl?" Casey said in shock, his eyes wide.  
"No, doofus!" Raphael said crossly. "I got male parts and female parts, but I consider myself a guy. I ain't no chick, even if I can lay eggs. It ain't like I'm gonna have kids of my own and I'd like ta help my brothers out, ya know, so I agreed ta be the surrogate. I just carry the babies. That's all and I'm fine 'bout it."

"I think it's sweet of you, Raph," April said. "What a special thing to do."

"I agree," Leo said and patted Raphael's shoulder, sending a tingle down his spine. "Me and Donnie are so grateful. Raph's amazing to do this for us. It takes a special person to be able to do this and Raph's certainly that. I consider him my hero."  
"It's no big deal, Leo," Raphael stammered, his cheeks red at Leo's praise. "It's just a baby. People have them all the time."

"I think it's weird," Casey said. "I can't imagine Raph pregnant, but if he wants to do it, power to him. Be warned, though, Raph. Your hormones will drive you crazy, you'll have backache, swollen feet and you'll be constantly stuffing your face. Well, once the nausea subsides. Did I mention raging hormones? You'll be happy one minute, then a total bitch the next and then a nympho, like April was," Casey said and grinned. "I could handle two of them. The bitch part wasn't much fun, but…"  
"Casey!" April hissed and glared at him. "Raph, don't listen to him. Pregnancy's different for everyone. You'll be fine and you'll have plenty of help from all of us. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to sleep."

"Night, April," the brothers said in unison and kissed the baby's cheek.

Casey handed the baby to April, who kissed her. Then Casey placed the baby in the crib and left the room with the brothers.

XXXXX

"Raph, I'm sorry for teasing you," Casey said. "It's a generous thing you're doing. I couldn't do it. Kudos to you, man."  
"It's no big deal. I'm just happy I can do it. The smiles on my brother-brothers' faces will be worth any pain or discomfort I experience."

"See," Leo said, touching Raphael's arm and making his spine tingle at the touch. "He is a hero and so selfless. You're a treasure, Raph. I hope someone realizes that someday and snaps you up."

Raphael flushed, making Mikey snigger.

"Oh, look. Raph's blushing, guys. Isn't that cute?"  
"I ain't blushin', okay?" Raphael yelled and jabbed his finger into Mikey's plastron. "Shut up, Mikey, or I'm gonna pound ya!"

"Hey, hey. Keep your voices down," Casey said irritably. "The girls are trying to sleep. I'll catch you guys in a few days, okay? Look after yourselves."

The brothers left and headed home in the van.

XXXX

The brothers arrived home a while later.

"I'm going to get some hot chocolate," Leo said. "You guys want any?"  
"No, thanks," Donnie said. "I'm going to crash. I'll see you just now, Leo."

Mikey yawned and said, "Bedtime. Catch you guys later." He left the room.

Leo and Raphael went to the kitchen.

XXXX

Raphael made the hot chocolate, feeling awkward at being alone with his crush, his stomach tightened in knots. It didn't happen often now that he and Donnie were an item, so he didn't know what to say.

"Aviana's so cute," Leo said and smiled. "I love her already. You were terrific with her, Raph. Such a natural. I have no doubt you'll make an awesome dad someday. We just have to find you a girl. I know someone perfect for you."  
"No."  
"Mona's perfect for you, Raph. She's tough, strong, courageous and she could be everything you're looking for or there's Alopex or maybe Robyn, April's sister. She's cute and she has a crush you. You'd make adorable babies. I've spoken to Robyn about you and she'd like to date you. We can go out, so you can be alone with her."  
"No!"  
"Why not? Don't you want someone of your own to love? It must be hard seeing me and Donnie together, because you're single, and Mikey's often out, so I assume he has friends. It just leaves you, so…."  
"Ain't gonna work. They ain't my type."  
"They're girls and gorgeous, so of course they are. Don't be shy, Raph. You have nothing to worry about."  
"No. They ain't my type. I like…." Raphael paused, a lump in his throat, his hands clammy and wishing he were somewhere else.  
"Another girl you have in mind, huh? Well, maybe they have friends…."  
"Fuck it, Fearless. Are ya that dense?" Raphael snapped and turned around. "Don't ya think if I were straight I'd be all over them, like Mikey is? Don't ya? But I feel awkward and uncomfortable when they're 'round and I can't wait ta escape them. I make up any excuse I can and besides, Mona don't like me. She likes someone else and I don't know who that is. We ain't exactly close pals. Not like her and Donnie are. He may know who she likes."

Leo's jaw dropped and he stared at Raphael in amazement. His macho brother was gay? Now it made sense why he avoided the women as much as he could. Leo had just thought he was shy and that maybe he needed a little confidence.

"Are you sure you're gay?" Leo managed after a few minutes. "Maybe you just haven't met the right girl. You're young and…."  
"Damn ya! I went ta a strip club and none of the chicks turned me on, Leo. I was propositioned and all I felt was revulsion and a desperation ta be outta there. I didn't wanna be parta that place, so what does that say? I'm gay, Leo, and don't ya fuckin' tell me ya'll set me up with Usagi or one of Casey's pals or whoever. I don't want that and I don't wanna visit the gay clubs neither. It ain't my scene."  
"Why the hell were you at a strip club?"  
"I tell ya I'm gay and all ya care 'bout is a strip club. Really, Leo."  
"Answer the question, Raph. I don't care if you're gay. All I care about is that you're happy. You deserve that, Raph. I have no doubt you'll meet a cool guy."  
"I can't. I promised someone."  
"By someone, I assume you mean Mikey and that's where you really were this evening. Is that how he meets his dates, Raph? Answer me. You're not in any trouble."

"You promised, Raph," Mikey said angrily, suddenly entering the kitchen, having come for a glass of water. He scowled at Raphael.  
"Hey. I said..."  
"Leo, I went to a strip club, sure, but that's not as bad as Raph's secret. It's a whopper. He's gay and he's madly in love with you. What do you think, big bro? Raph wants to screw you and has dreamed about it for years."

Raphael's eyes went white in rage, he punched Mikey hard in the beak and growled, "Ya fuckin' traitor. I didn't tell Leo nothin'. Yer dead ta me, Mikey!"

Raphael ran to his bedroom and banged the door hard behind him.

XXXXXX

Raphael locked his bedroom door and then flung himself onto the bed, tears streaming down his cheeks.

My secret's out, Raphael thought miserably. Leo's gonna be so mad at me and so will Donnie. Fuckin' Mikey can never keep his trap shut. I shoulda never told him how I felt 'bout Leo. I should leave. I should.

There was a knock on the door and Leo said, "Raph, can we talk? Unlock the door."  
"Go away, Fearless."  
"Open the door. Now, Raphael. Don't make me get Dad."

Raphael got up, opened the door and stepped aside, as Leo entered the room.

Expecting a lecture, Raphael stood, his heart pounding.

"We need to talk about what happened in the kitchen, Raph," Leo said. "There has to be complete honesty between us. You're not in trouble. Just tell me what's in your heart. I'm half inclined to think it was just a prank of Mikey's. He's big on those. You're not in love with me, are you, because you know the score?"

Raphael stared at him, his heart racing. Should he admit the truth or should he tell a whopper?

"I'm in love with ya, Leo," Raphael admitted shyly, his green eyes boring into Leo's sapphire eyes. "I always have been and I can't stop thinkin' 'bout ya. I want ya. I dream 'bout ya. Yer who I want, need, desire. Yer the most sensational bein' I've ever known and nothin' would make me happier than bein' yer mate."

Leo's jaw dropped and for the second time that evening, he didn't know what to say. He swallowed hard, took a deep breath and spoke.

 **A/N What is Leo going to say? Will Leo tell Donnie about Raph's crush on him?**


	5. Passion

"Raph, you're an awesome guy," Leo said, carefully choosing his words, as he took in Raphael's shy expression. "But I'm with Donnie. You know that and have known that for ages."  
"And if ya weren't, would ya consider me? We could be dynamite together, got lots in common and I can give ya babies. Just think babies. Ours and we could make a home in another parta the sewers with our brood. I can't imagine the others would be happy 'bout our union and Dad would banish us, but it wouldn't matter, because we'd have our family and we'd be passionately in love, Leo."  
"Sounds like you've thought about it," Leo said dryly. "Did you consent to being a surrogate, because you hoped it'd bring us together and that I'd leave Donnie? Was that your master plan?"  
Raphael flushed and said, "I kinda hoped so, yeah, but I also did it, because I love ya and I wanna make ya happy, Leo. A baby will definitely do that, so…."  
"This is such a fucking mess," Leo said and sighed heavily. "Raph, I'm with Donnie. That isn't going to change just because you confessed your feelings. Do you understand? That baby you may carry isn't yours. It's mine and Donnie's and I'm not going to suddenly fall in love with you, because you're carrying a kid. That's BS, so forget any dumb ideas of us having a future together. Not going to happen. You seriously need to find someone else, because it's only going to be heartache for you if you don't."  
"Are ya gonna tell Donnie 'bout this?"  
"I don't know. He'd only feel insecure and think you were trying to move in on me, so maybe not. Besides, I've made it abundantly clear to you that nothing's going to happen and that my life's with Donnie."  
"Look, I ain't gonna cause trouble, Leo. I promised ya, but ya didn't answer my question. Would ya consider me if ya weren't with Donnie?"  
"Consider you? Are you crazy? We fight all the time. It'd be a constant battle and exhausting. Donnie and I hardly ever fight and he's patient, understanding, loyal and gentle. We'd never work out, Raph. We can't even go a day without backbiting. How would we spend life together as a couple? You're explosive, have tantrums, are aggressive, dominant, fierce and full of immense rage. We wouldn't work out."  
"There's more ta me than ya think, Leo. I ain't just a firecracker. I got layers ta me and fightin' is normal. What ain't normal is a couple havin' no fights. That's mundane, dull. Yer life with Donnie must be pretty borin'. I can't imagine he's much fun with his nerdiness and his experiments. I'm unpredictable, passionate….That's what ya need. I'm a virgin, Leo, and guess what I'm all yers if ya want me. Yers," Raphael said and dropped his tail. He wagged it, grinned and said, "Ya can top if ya wanna. I don't mind, but this tail and my ass is yers for the takin', Leo, and so is my heart. I love ya body, heart and soul and I always will."

Leo's eyes widened and his shell felt embarrassingly tight at the sight of Raphael's adorable tail. He shook his head to clear the onslaught of perverse thoughts he was having about Raphael. Raphael, damn it. Not Donnie, his mate. What the hell was wrong with him? Raphael was wrong, so wrong.

"Leo, like what ya see?" Raphael said huskily, his green eyes glinting mischievously. "Ya like my tail, huh? It's on display for ya. Ya can touch it if ya wanna. Turned on are, ya, babe? I can smell yer arousal. Mmm. I love it. I love how ya smell, Leo."

Raphael closed the distance between them and smashed his lips onto Leo's in a spine-tingling kiss that caused butterflies in Leo's stomach, his tongue probing into Leo's mouth, putting all the love and passion he felt for Leo in that one sensuous kiss. Raphael's first kiss.

I dreamed 'bout this for years, Raphael thought, feeling on cloud nine, as his heart pounded. This is heaven and feels so right, so natural, so amazin'. My first kiss. It's everythin' I thought it'd be. Passionate, intense and with my dream guy. Leo.

Leo's eyes widened in astonishment, but to his immense surprise and to Raphael's, he didn't pull away. He tugged on Raphael's banadana tails to deepen the kiss, as the hothead's heady musk, a mixture of sweat and grease assaulted his nostrils. Their beaks were smooshed against one another's as their plastrons were pressed against one other's, causing deep rumbles to roll up their throats. Deep churrs of desire and want.

Leo had been kissed many times, but this kiss was so different. It was intense, hot, electrifying, it made his toes curl, he felt alive and warmth pooled in his groin. It hadn't been a gentle one, which he was used to from Don and the genius didn't use tongue. This one was powerful and mindblowing and made his legs feel like jelly. Raphael was a damn good kisser for someone, who hadn't been kissed before. Where had he learned it?

Leo's mind screamed that it was wrong, but his heart-his fucking heart shouted that it was right and that he should continue, so he did. He wrapped his arms around Raphael, tugging him closer, his hands settling down onto Raphael's tail and giving it a tender squeeze.

Raphael squawked in amazement, but he didn't pull away. He thrust his tongue deeper into Leo's mouth and nibbled on Leo's lower lip, tasting him and thinking he smelled of mint. His own arousal grew and his shell felt uncomfortably tight.

Raphael broke the kiss and said breathlessly, "This felt right, didn't it, Leo? Ya felt our connection and ya didn't tell me it was wrong. Still think I'm just aggro or do ya see me in a new light and see new possibilities? I'm a gentle guy deep down, Leo. I got heart, a sweet nature and I really love ya. I wanna make ya happy."  
Leo panted and said, "Where'd you learn to kiss like that? You must have had practice."  
"That was my first kiss. I guess it came naturally. Ya liked, it, didn't ya?"  
"Fuck! This wasn't supposed to happen. This was wrong, Raph. Don't you see? Even if that kiss awakened something in me, we can't be together. I'm Donnie's. This can never happen again. Do you hear me?"  
"I heard ya all right, Leo. Yer rumbles and yer kiss weren't brotherly. Ya liked it, loved it and yer thinkin' of what could be, ain't ya? Ya said it awakened feelings. What feelings, Leo? Do ya think differently of me now?"  
"Shit!" Leo said and dragged a hand down his face. "I had a huge crush on you before I hooked up with Donnie, but I thought you liked girls and that you'd never feel that way about me. It took me months to get over you and then Donnie happened and now….Now you're in my head and my heart. One fucking kiss and all I think about is you. This wasn't supposed to happen, Raph."  
"Ya liked me? Ya shoulda told me."  
"I was afraid, okay? Yeah. Go ahead and mock me. I was. Damn. I had my life planned out. Donnie, babies, a future. I was satisfied with him and now... No. We can't happen. We can't. I can't do this to Donnie no matter what I feel for you. He loves me and he's been fantastic. We're bonded," Leo said and flashed his ring, silver with a purple gem in the center. "I can't leave him. I won't. "  
"Satisfied? That ain't the same as happy, Leo. Are ya really happy or did ya settle for him, because ya thought ya couldn't have me? Now ya can have me. Really have me. Come on, Leo. Ya said our kiss reignited yer feelings for me and we got a spark. That kinda connection comes by once in a lifetime. Are ya gonna deny yer happiness just because yer scared of breakin' Donnie's heart? Sure he'd be crushed for a while, but he'd move on. It ain't bein' selfish if ya leave Donnie. Ya'd be doin' him a favor, because he could then find someone, who really loved him."  
"Yes, I could have you, but I would be hurting Donnie and I can't do that to him, so you forget about this and this moment we shared, Raphael. I'm taken and that isn't going to change. Find yourself a boyfriend, who can give you what I won't. I won't tell Donnie about this. It's pointless having him stressing about it, because nothing more is going to happen. Keep in mind you're only the surrogate and my brother. Respect my relationship with Donnie and move on."  
"I'll never stop lovin' ya, Leo, and I'll wait forever if I gotta, because I now know how ya feel 'bout me and that sooner or later yer gonna listen ta yer heart and come ta me. Ya know it and I know it. We belong together."  
"Fuck you," Leo growled.  
"Yep. That's also gonna happen. We're gonna make love and yer gonna lie awake every night thinkin' of me, until ya leave him. Just like I will of ya and like I do of ya. Ya love me, Leo. That kiss proved it."  
"This subject's done, Raphael. Remember what I said and don't cause trouble."  
"I won't need ta, because ya'll grow some balls and ya will come ta me. I'll be waitin' with open arms."  
"You fucking cocky bastard!" Leo snarled. "Fuck you, Raph. Not a word of this. I'm warning you."  
"Whatever ya say, hon," Raphael said and winked. "I'll see you soon. I love ya and I know ya love me."

Leo stormed out of the room and went to his bedroom, feeling like an absolute shit. He'd betrayed Donnie in one of the cruelest ways possible and he wouldn't do it again. He could control himself and honor his vows. He had in the past. Raphael was wrong. He wouldn't cheat on Donnie ever again and he'd stay with Donnie forever.

XXXXX

Leo entered his bedroom, wondering whether to tell Donnie, but he decided not to, because like he'd told Raphael, it wouldn't happen again, so there was no need worrying Donnie about it.

Donnie was in bed, reading a book. He looked up when Leo entered the room and said, "Things okay? I heard yelling. Raph have a meltdown again?"  
"Yeah."  
"He sure gets them all the time. I hope he manages to stay calm when he's gravid. Any stress could harm the baby."  
"It wasn't his fault," Leo said, sitting on the bed. "Mikey antagonized him. Usual drivel. Raph will be fine. I gave him a lecture about checking his rage and he's sulking in his room."

Leo was stunned by how easily the lie came to his lips. Shit. He'd never lied to Donnie before, but what else was he supposed to say? Oh, Raph was mad, because Mikey told me Raph loved me? No. He couldn't say that.

"Mikey has to learn to keep his trap shut. He should know better, Leo," Donnie said.  
"Yeah. I told Mikey that. Anyway, I'm sure things will be fine tomorrow. How are you? I couldn't help noticing you were out of sorts earlier. You didn't seem yourself. What's wrong?"  
"You know when we said that it didn't matter who the bio dad was?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Well, I'm infertile, Leo, so the baby's going to be yours and Raph's. What if that changes things?"  
"Why would it? We're still parents, according to the contract, Donnie."  
"Yeah, but what if Raph hypothetically backed out of it and you hypothetically fell in love with him when he was gravid and I was kicked to the kerb?"  
"Not going to happen. I love you and Raph's honor bound to the contract. We're going to be parents, Donnie, and Raph's going to remain the surrogate. That's all. I could never love Raph the way I love you, even if he were gay. You know he likes chicks anyway and buys all those pornos."  
"But what if that's just a ruse and he's really in love with you? He idolizes you, Leo, but we're aren't so close. Not these days. I get the feeling he kind of resents me and what we have. Maybe because he's secretly in love with you and that's why he agreed to be the surrogate, thinking it could make you like him and…"  
"That's BS, Donnie," Leo said and kissed his cheek. "Raph doesn't love me that way, okay? He wanted to do something special for us both and he is. That's all it is. Relax and my being the bio dad doesn't change anything. We're both the parents. Stop doubting and fretting and be excited. We're going to have a baby soon if Raph's gravid. Something we thought wasn't possible."  
"I guess."  
"No guesses. It's fact, Donnie. You have nothing to be worried about. I'm yours forever and I love you."  
"I love you too, Leo. Thank you. I feel a bit better now."  
"I'm glad," Leo said and undressed. He climbed into bed, nuzzled his beak against Donnie's and said, "We're a team, Donnie. Nothing will change that."

Donnie kissed him tenderly on the lips.

Leo lay down, his arms wrapped around his mate. The kiss had been sweet with no tongue and rather chaste. Not fierce, dominating, passionate, like the one with Raphael had been. It hadn't been awful, but it hadn't filled Leo with excitement or ignited a warmth in his groin. It was boring, lackluster, old habit. Fuck. It'd been like kissing his brother and not his husband.

How had one kiss with Raphael changed his perspective about him and his mate? How?

Leo had a strong desire to race to Raphael's room, to abandon all reason and logic, to give in to his overwhelming urges and to ravage his alluring temperamental brother, but he was taken and Donnie would be suspicious if he got up now. No. He couldn't.

Fuck you, Raph, Leo thought, as his mind wandered back to their kiss. I can't get you out of my head and my heart. Fuck you for being so fucking right about everything. I'm a train wreck and it's all because of you.

 **A/N So they've kissed. Will Leo give into his burning desire for Raph or remain bound to Donnie?**


	6. Broken vows

The brothers breakfasted in the kitchen the next morning. There was no training, because Splinter had deemed it all right for them to have a day off.

Raphael focused on his cereal and said nothing. He wasn't much of a talker anyway, so it wasn't uncommon, but what was strange was his blatant ignoring of Mikey, who'd tried several times to talk to him. They often fought, but they quickly made up and the tension was unbearable.

Leo said nothing, consumed by his guilt. I shouldn't have kissed Raph, he thought. I can't get him out of my head. I try, but all I can see is his face, that moment, us. Damn it. I'm an asshole. Donnie deserves better.

"Look, guys," Donnie said. "You guys need to sort things out and forgive one another, whatever happened. We're family and we need and love one another. I don't want any dissension, especially when the baby arrives. They need and deserve a calm and stable environment, so please make peace with one another. And, Raph, I've noticed that we aren't so close anymore. Is it something I've done?"

Yer with him, Raphael thought bitterly. That's what.

"No, Donnie," Raphael lied. "Ya ain't done nothin'. Ya never do. I've just been busy."  
"So we cool, Raph?" Mikey asked. "I think we had a misunderstanding."  
"Sure," Raphael said and stood up. "I'm goin' out. Things ta do."

"Where?" Leo asked. "You know you can't go topside. It's morning, Raph, and humans are around."  
"I didn't say I was goin' ta the surface, did I? I just have some things ta do."

"Oh! Have you met someone?" Donnie said. "A girl perhaps?"  
"Raph's gay!" Mikey blurted out. "Oops. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that, Raph. Please don't be upset. I…." he added, as Raphael glowered at him.

"You're gay, Raph?" Donnie said in astonishment. "You said you weren't. Why did you lie about your sexuality?"  
"Ain't it obvious, brainiac? I'm an Alpha, the strong and macho turtle, the last person ya'd think who hankered after guys. I was ashamed that I liked guys and it took me ages ta accept I did. I thought ya guys would make fun of me for it, so I pretended I liked chicks, okay? It don't change who I am, though. I'm still tough and I can still beat ya ta a pulp if ya tick me off."  
"I understand. It took us a while to come to terms with our feelings as well. I have to ask, though. If you're gay, do you harbor feelings for Leo and I? Mikey's straight, there are only four of our kind and it's not likely you'd end up with a human."  
"I don't like ya or Leo, Donnie. I don't like no one, but I got faith I'll meet someone someday."  
"I'm sure you will. I better pack. Vernon will be here soon. I'm going upstate for a few days. There's a seminar on astrology I want to attend. It'd bore Leo senseless, so he's not going. I'll wear my disguise of course and I'm staying at Vernon's place. He's going as well."

Yahoo, Raphael thought happily. Donnie ain't gonna be 'bout. I'll use this time ta show Leo my tender side and ta court him.

"Yeah," Leo said. "It's the first time we've been apart. I'll miss him like crazy."  
"I'll call you every chance I get, hon," Donnie said and pecked his cheek. "It's only for four days."  
"I know, sweetheart, but I'll still miss you so much."

I wanna barf and punch Donnie, Raphael thought, as he seethed with jealousy. I hate him touchin' Leo. He's mine.

"Well, have fun at yer seminar," Raphael said and stood up. "I'll see the resta ya later. Ciao."

Raphael left the lair and went to his secret hiding placing in the tunnels.

XXXX

Raphael unlocked the door of his secret place and studied it. There wasn't much in it, other than a king size bed, a tatami mat, a mini bar, a basin, a gas stove , cupboards and an arm chair, but it'd suited him perfectly for the times he'd wanted to be alone, knowing it was a good distance from the lair and he'd remain undisturbed.  
The furniture he'd salvaged from the dump, which had surprisingly been in good condition. The mattress was old, but unstained and he'd used his extra bed linen from home. It was blue and white and matched the walls he'd painted white.

He'd bought extra bed linen, so that no one would notice it was missing.

Raphael loved the place and it was ideal for a bachelor, who didn't want much, but if he and Leo were going to live here, he'd have to make changes. Huge changes. He'd knock down the walls to make extra rooms, build more cupboards, dressers, get a decent fridge, build a bathroom and rig it up, so that they had electricity and water. He wasn't as smart as Donnie, but he figured between him and Leo that they could make the place more than habitable. They could make it a proper home for themselves and their babies.

Their babies. He smiled at the thought, picked up a block of wood and began the long process of building a crib. He was talented at arts, crafts and carpentry and he couldn't wait until it'd been completed and his babies were lying in it.

Raphael worked hard until four p.m. Then he went home.

XXXX

Raphael didn't see either Mikey or Leo around when he arrived home. He took a long shower, donned his weapons, packed a bag of supplies containing chicken, noodles, vegetables, cutlery, a chopping knife, plates, candles, matches and scented oils.

He wrote a note in block letters, wrapped a key in it and crept into Leo's room. He placed it on the bed, left the room, grabbed his bag and hurried to his secret place.

XXXX

Leo had been meditating in the dojo. He finished at five p.m., went into his room and was surprised to find the note and key on his bed. The note simply said "Meet me at my secret place. We've gotta talk, Raph." There were instructions where the place was and there was a key.

Meet him, Leo thought. I can't. That's cheating on Donnie, but I can't get Raph out of my head. I can't. I'm trying, but all I can think about is him, that kiss, that moment. It was like time stopped still. I've never been so swept away and I know it's wrong, but I…I want to find out what he wants to talk about. I want to touch him and hold him again. Damn it. No. I have to resist him. I'll go to him and I'll let him know once and for all we can't be together. I'll make him see sense.

Leo grabbed the key and headed to Raphael's place.

XXXX

Raphael heard the key turn in the lock and his heart pounded in excitement. Leo came, he thought. I didn't think he would.

Leo opened the door, went inside and glanced around the room. It didn't look half bad and Raphael had done a good job of furnishing it. Of course it needed more work, but it wasn't a bad place and it was clean. Leo noticed incense candles dotted around the room. The glow was soft and romantic and made Raphael look softer and younger than his fifteen years. He also wasn't wearing his bandana, which was unusual. Raphael hated being without it, because it made him feel naked and vulnerable and he didn't like being that way. He certainly looked that way. So different from the surly and aggressive expressions he wore.

Leo sniffed the air and saw that there was a stir-fry of some kind on the gas stove, as well as glasses of water on a dresser. Had Raphael planned all of this? Why? Was he planning on seducing him? No. He had to talk to him and let him know that wasn't going to happen.

"Ya came," Raphael said. "I didn't think ya would, Leo."  
"What the heck is all of this?" Leo asked.  
"Dinner. I hope ya like chicken stir fry and that yer hungry. I made plenty. What do ya think of the place? I know it ain't the lair, but when I've fixed it up a bit more, it'll be homelier and a good place for us, Leo. Us and the kids."  
"Us?" Leo asked and narrowed his eyes.  
"Yeah. Us. I'm good at wood work, arts and crafts and I can make it a proper home. Just think. We can be together without the others watchin' our every move. We don't need them. We just need us. What do ya say?"  
"You're crazy, Raph!" Leo shouted. "I told you that I'm with Donnie and that I love him."  
"Ya said that, babe, but ya didn't mean it," Raphael said and stepped closer, his face now mere inches from Leo's. "Ya want me. I bet ya dreamed of me last night and ya ain't thought 'bout nothin', but us. I certainly dreamed 'bout ya. Come on, Leo. Ditch borin' Donnie. Ya ain't happy. Yer relationship is like a habit or a pair of old shoes ya don't wanna toss away, even though ya know ya should. Be with me, babe. We can pack our bags and move in here now. Casey and April will help us and….."

Leo's nostrils flared, as he inhaled Raphael's musk. . It'd be so easy to give into his gorgeous brother, but he couldn't. He wouldn't, even though Raphael was one hundred percent correct about his relationship. It was boring, sure, but he did love Donnie. He couldn't cheat on him. No.

"No!" Leo said firmly and stepped back. "No. I'm going, Raph. I just came to tell you to forget….."

Leo's words trailed off as emerald lips captured his own in a passionate kiss. He tried to resist, but found himself returning it and wrapping his arms around his brother, who tugged on his bandana and deepened the kiss.

Fuck Raphael for being so damn gorgeous and fuck his instincts for telling him it was right. It wasn't, but he couldn't stop himself.

They kissed deeply, groping and undressing one another, their gear falling on to the floor.

Plastrons ground against one another's, they churred loudly, their tongues dancing, as they continued groping, swept away by the raw and burning passion between them.

Leo pushed Raphael back onto the bed, his lips still locked with Raphael's.

What am I doing, Leo thought, as his brother parted his legs and looked up at him, a shy expression on his face? I should stop this. I shouldn't want this. Donnie. Oh, Donnie. I have to stop. My vows. My damn vows. I can't cheat on him. I won't.

Leo broke the kiss and said, "I have to go, Raph. We can't. There's no turning back if we do this."  
"But ya don't wanna, Leo," Raphael said huskily and trailed a hand down Leo's plastron, making him shiver. "Ya want me, Leo. All of me. Admit it. Ya wanna make love ta me."  
"I do, but I can't."  
"No one will know, Leo," Raphael said, gazing into his eyes.  
"But I will and the shame of it will…"  
"There ain't no shame in love, Leo."  
"I made vows to Donnie, Raph. Don't you get it? I promised to love him forever."  
"Damn ya!" Raphael screamed. "I want ya now and ya want me, Leo. Fuck yer vows and fuck Donnie."  
"I will always want you, Raph," Leo said and cupped his face. "But I can't hurt Donnie. Please understand…."  
"YA FUCKIN' COWARD! Yer just stayin' with him outta obligation. Fine. Walk away, but we both know that ya will cave eventually and ya will come ta me," Raphael said, blinking back tears.  
"I'm sorry, Raph. I don't want to hurt you either, but Donnie's my husband and I can't do this to him."  
"What would ya do if the baby was yers and mine only? Would ya fuckin' leave Donnie?"  
"He'd be doubly devastated, so no. I think it's best that you move on. I'm never going to leave him, Raph."  
"Ya will. Go, coward," Raphael taunted. "Go on back ta yer room and hide behind yer vows and yer nobleness, when yer actually wishin' ya could be with a real man, who loves ya and who'd make ya happy."  
"You'd feel differently if we were married, Raph. Vows are sacred," Leo said and stood up.  
"Sure, but ya wouldn't cheat on me and ya wouldn't look at another man, because I'd be more than enough for ya. Donnie ain't, Leo, but go on, Splinter junior. Keep tellin' yerself that ya can resist me and that yer marriage will last. Yawn. I've seen more excitin' things on TV. Even yer kisses are borin'. Come on. A peck on the cheek? I bet that's all ya get from him. I can't see him bein' much of an experimenter in kissin' and sex. Ya'd have more fun with a vibrator. Maybe ya should get one, huh?"  
"Raphael," Leo growled. "That's enough. Don't talk about him that way."  
"Whatever. Go on home. I'm gonna jerk myself off and have some fun here, while yer at home honorin' yer vows. Go on, Leo. Why ain't ya leavin'?" Raphael said and stroked his slit. "Mmm. Gonna drop down. Ah."  
"Raphael…I…." Leo paused. He'd been about to retort, but the sight of Raphael stroking himself made his words die in his throat. Damn. His brother was perfection, so hot, so…..

Raphael dropped down, his cock slick with precum, and said, "Still here? Got nothin' ta say?"

Leo's shell felt embarrassingly tight, as he looked at his brother and his twitching cock. Damn it. It was throbbing, needy, pulsating, perfect. Just like his brother.

"I…."  
"Ya what, Leo?" Raphael asked and smirked, his green eyes twinkling.  
"I want you!" Leo growled and leapt at him, his body weight pinning Raphael down.

Leo trailed kisses down his brother's plastron, tasting him, giving into his primal urges. Some Master of control he was and husband, but he couldn't stop himself.

Raphael moaned in anticipation and parted his legs.

Leo stuck a finger into Raphael's entrance, prepping him, and when he thought Raphael was wet enough, he plunged his thick rod inside of him, as he nipped his collarbone.

Raphael tilted his head to one side, giving Leo better access, and he hissed at the burning sensation of the penetration. It was his first time and It stung like hell.

"You sore, Raph?" Leo asked.  
"I'm fine. Continue. I want this."

Leo thrust in and out of Raphael, as he bucked his hips, so that Leo could go in deeper. The leader soon formed a steady rhythm that made them see stars, deep rumbles rolling up their throats, as their primal needs were met.

This is wonderful, Raphael thought. Me and Leo. Oh, Leo. I love ya. Oh. This is exactly how I pictured my first time. Hot, sweaty, primal, passionate and with Leo. I love those sexy noises he makes, which is a cross between a purr and a churr. It's so cute. I make them too, but he sounds sexier.

Leo gave a final thrust, pulled out and flopped down beside Raphael, panting heavily, shame descending on him like a ton of bricks. He'd fucked Raphael , had broken his vows and had cheated on poor Donnie. He was nothing more than a bastard. Fuck.

Raphael growled Leo's name, as he came and said, as he basked in the afterglow, "We did it, babe. That was fuckin' mindblowin', Leo. Oh, Leo. I love ya. Thank ya, my angel. Now we're mates, right? Yer leavin' him and we can be together." He reached out his arms to snuggle, but Leo shifted away and stood up, as shame colored his cheeks.  
"No. This was a one-time thing, Raphael," Leo said, as he dressed. "It shouldn't have happened, but it did. It won't happen again. I love Donnie and I'm not going to leave him."  
"Ya will leave him. Ya love me."  
"I don't deny I don't love you, but I'm married, Raph. That won't change. Move on," Leo said and stalked out of the room.  
"It will!" Raphael yelled. "Ya will leave him. It's just a matter of time. This proves ya really want me and love me and I ain't just a one night affair!"

XXXXX

Leo arrived home, took a long warm shower, trying to erase the memories, his and Raphael's mixed essences and the shame off of him, but it was useless. He couldn't undo what he'd done or fix it. He'd violated his honor code, his vows and damn it if he still didn't think about his emerald skinned lover after all that. He really wasn't the honorable person he'd prided himself on being.

There was only one thing to do. He and Donnie would leave when the baby had hatched. He'd avoid Raphael as much as he could in the meantime. He could do that, right? He'd also tell Donnie what had transpired. The genius deserved the truth.

The door opened and Leo smelled a familiar scent. Fuck no, he thought. Raphael. The guy just won't take no for an answer.

"I'm gonna lock the door," Raphael said and did so. "And I'm gonna stay here with ya, Leo."  
"Go away, Raph. I'm warning you."  
"Nope," Raphael said and sat down on the bed. "I wanna snuggle, Leo. That's all. I want ya and ya want me."  
"Are you crazy? Dad's down the passage and Mikey…."  
"Dad's asleep and Mikey's out. Look, we ain't gonna make love. I just wanna cuddle. I love ya, Leo. Please."  
"What I said…."  
"I know what ya said, Leo, but I wanna cuddle and show ya I'm tender. Let me show ya that side, Leo. Let me."  
"You're so infuriating! Damn it. I'm so ashamed of myself, Raph. I allowed myself to get carried away and I…"  
Raphael cupped his face, kissed him and said, "All ya did was fall in love and let yerself be loved by the man ya love. That ain't wrong, baby. Let me love ya. I'll keep my distance when he's home and I won't bug ya or cause trouble, but let me love ya while he's gone, Leo. Please. I need ya, Leo, and ya want and need me."

Even though his head screamed that it was wrong, Leo pulled back the covers.

Raphael climbed into bed, snuggled up to him and said, "We're mates, aren't we, Leo?"  
"Temporarily," Leo said and sighed. "This won't continue when he returns. It can't. You deserve better than the crumbs I can give you and Donnie deserves a faithful and loving husband."  
"All right. I'll take what I can get. If crumbs is it, then so be it. I love ya."  
"I love you too, Raphie."

Leo drifted off to sleep, his heart heavy. He'd have to tell Donnie what had transpired, but damn, Raphael smelled so good and he felt so good in his arms. He belonged there. Leo would also have to change the bed linen. It'd now smell of a mixture of him and Raphael and Donnie would hate it with good reason.

"This feels so right," Raphael purred and nuzzled his beak into the crook of Leo's neck. "I love ya. I got what I wanted and I'm so happy I could burst."

Raphael thought, fuck the temporary thing. It's gonna be permanent. He will leave Donnie and then we'll move ta our new home and make a new life there. Now can I do that? Hmm. I gotta show my tender side more and I gotta maybe find a new and better mate for Donnie. Mona? Maybe Donnie's secretly bi and I can fix him up with her. Maybe Mona knows if Donnie's bi. I'll ask her.

 **A/N How will Donnie take the news of his husband's cheating?**


	7. Found out

Raphael was still snuggled in Leo's arms the next morning, a soft smile on his face.

Leo woke, gazed at him and was filled with immense guilt. Sure, he'd loved being with the hothead, but it was wrong, because he was a married man and he should have ended things before they got out of control. Some husband he was. Donnie would be understandably pissed and devastated when he learned about the shenanigans. Maybe he'd even dump Leo. It'd serve him right, but at the same time, as he studied Raphael and his angelic smile, it felt so right.

"Do ya got regrets?" Raphael asked, opening his eyes and staring at Leo.  
"No. Yes. I don't know. I just know it can't continue when Donnie's home."  
"Are ya gonna tell him?"  
"Yes. I have to be honest and he'll be shattered, but he deserves the truth, Raph. Wouldn't you want to know that your husband's been unfaithful, even if it shatters your world?"  
"Yeah. I guess so. He's gonna hate me, but I ain't got no regrets. Bein' with ya feels so right and even if I ain't never with ya again, I'll treasure what we had every day of my life. I love ya and I'll never stop lovin' ya. Yer my soul mate."

Leo's cell on the bedside table rang.

"Hi?" Leo said.  
"Hey, hon?" Donnie said cheerfully. "How are you doing?"  
"Uh, good," Leo said nervously. "How are you, babe?"  
"Fine. Just missing you. It wasn't the same when I woke up and didn't see you beside me. I miss you and your scent so much."  
"Me too," Leo stammered.  
"Is something wrong, Leo? You sound a bit weird."

"Yeah. Somethin' is wrong. Yer buggin' us," Raphael muttered.

"What was that?" Donnie asked. "Is Raph there with you? Why and why would I be bugging you? What's going on, Leo?"  
"Nothing!" Leo said, glaring at Raphael. "Raph's here, because….I…assigned him meditation with me after his atrocious behavior."  
"But why would I be bugging? I don't understand."  
"He doesn't get much time with me these days, you know, and any little interruption that occurs when we're together upsets him. That's all."  
"Yeah. So he's jealous as all hell that you're with me. Is that it?"  
"No! He just misses spending time with me. That's all. Damn it. Raph doesn't like me as anything more than brotherly."  
"I understand, but he has to understand that priorities change when you marry. Your spouse comes first."  
"I'll tell him. So, what's on the agenda today?"  
"Well, I have a few seminars and then Vernon and I are going to the movies. A few documentaries I've been dying to see are showing. You know the one on El Nino and the one on…."

Raphael seethed with jealousy and thought, fuck Donnie. He's such a snore. Him and his documentaries and monopolizin' Leo. Leo's mine.

Raphael grabbed the phone from Leo and hit the red button, making the leader scowl at him.

"What the hell, Raph?" Leo demanded. "You just hung up on Donnie."  
"So fuckin' what? He's borin' . Documentaries and seminars. Come on, Leo. That's snoozeville. Even ya gotta admit that."  
"He's going to be so furious!" Leo hissed.  
"Who cares? I ain't got much time with ya and I wanna make the most a it," Raphael said, parting his legs and then smiling lasciviously at Leo.

The phone rang and Leo's stomached tightened in knots when he saw the caller ID.

"Uh, hey," Leo said, averting his gaze from his emerald skinned brother.  
"You hung up on me," Donnie said. "Why?"  
"Slip of the finger. Sorry, hon."  
"You sound weird, Leo. Really flustered. The way you get when you've done something and you don't know how to say it. Talk to me. Is it the toaster? Did you blow it up again? We'll work through it, whatever it is."  
"It's nothing. Everything is fine."

"Leo," Raphael whined.

"Why is Raphael whingeing again? Leo, what the heck's going on?" Donnie asked. "You know. Screw it. I'm coming home. I'll be there this afternoon."  
"No!" Leo said quickly. "You don't have to. I swear everything is okay. You're right. I blew up the toaster and I was afraid to tell you. Sorry."  
"Now see? That wasn't so hard, was it? Are you sure you're okay?  
"Fine."  
"Tell Raph to grow up and that I come first. He has to learn that the world doesn't revolve around him. I love you, Leo. I'll call you later."  
"Love you too," Leo said and hung up.

"You idiot!" Leo said, whirling on Raphael, his sapphire eyes blazing. "Have you any idea what shit you nearly got me into it, Raphael? Donnie's not stupid. He suspects something is up and he may come home early."  
"He won't. He bought the toaster thing, didn't he?" Raphael said and shrugged. "So we still got three more days ta do what we want. I know exactly what I want. Ya."  
"Raph, seriously. Is sex all you think about?" Leo grumbled.  
"No. I respect and love ya Leo too much. It ain't just sex ta me. I meant it when I said I wanna show my soft side and I will. I'm gonna knock yer shell off. Come ta the kitchen in ten and breakfast will be ready. I love ya, Leo and I know ya love me."

I'm scum, Leo thought, as Raphael dressed and then left the room. I want Raph so much, but I'm with Donnie. I have to end it now. I know I have to, but I don't really want to. Damn. Why does life have to be so complicated? No. I will end it now and I'll admit everything to Don.

Resolved, Leo dressed and went to the kitchen.

XXXX

Raphael had made mushroom soufflé omelettes, as well as toast, cooked tomatoes and brewed mint tea.

"Just a little somethin' I made," Raphael said proudly, as Leo sat down. "Help yerself. Bon appetite."  
"Thanks, Raph," Leo said and tucked in. "Mm. This is great. I didn't know you were such a good cook."  
Raphael speared omelette, chewed, swallowed and said, "There's a lotta things 'bout me ya don't know. I never bothered with cookin' before. It was just a means ta an end, but I figured I'd improve my skills now we're together, so I can blow yer away and besides, it's kinda therapeutic and I'm proud as heck when yer wolfin' it down."  
"Well, I love it. Thanks."  
"It's a pleasure, babe," Raphael said and kissed his hand.  
"Raph!" Leo said and blushed. "We can't here. Someone will see us."  
"I know. Hey. I was thinkin'….Do ya think we could go away for three days, like the nature reserve, and camp there? We could cite we have issues and we wanna work on them," Raphael said and grabbed Leo's hand.  
"No. Raph, this has to end now. Please understand," Leo whispered. "I want to with you, but I can't hurt Donnie….."

"Hurt Donatello how?" Splinter asked, entering the kitchen and seeing his sons holding hands. "What is going on?"  
"Nothing," Leo stammered, pulling his hand away. "We were having breakfast. That's all, Dad."  
"Do not lie to me, Leonardo!" Splinter snapped, his eyes flashing. "Raphael! Leonardo! Why were you holding hands?"

"It's nothin', like Leo said," Raphael said in a clipped tone. "May I be excused?"  
"Are you in a relationship?" Splinter demanded. "You are, aren't you? Leonardo, how could you?"

"How could Leo what?" Mikey asked, appearing in the kitchen.  
"Your brothers are having an affair," Splinter said irately. "Is that not true, my sons? How long has it been going on?"  
"You're cheating on Don with Raph, Leo?" Mikey said in astonishment. "How could you? Donnie loves you so much."

His cheeks red, Leo stammered, "I didn't mean it….."  
"YOU!" Splinter hissed, his eyes blazing, as he glowered at Raphael. "You seduced him, didn't you, Raphael? That was the plan, wasn't it? To steal him from Donatello?"  
"It's not Raph's fault!" Leo piped up. "It's mine. I'm married and I pursued Raph. I shouldn't have." He looked at Raphael, silently urging him to remain quiet, which he did. "It's all me. Raph's innocent. I'm the bastard."  
"Stop defending him!" Splinter yelled. "It ends now. Do you hear me, Leonardo and Raphael? It ends now or I will have no choice but to cast you out. You will admit the truth to Donatello and you will not spend any time with each other, unless it's supervised. Do you hear me? I want you to phone Donatello now and tell him the truth, Leonardo."  
"It really isn't Raph's fault. I went to his room and initiated it all. Raph said we shouldn't, but I couldn't stop myself and we made love more than once. I regret it and I'm deeply sorry for the hurt I've caused to both Donnie and Raph and for the shame I've brought on myself. I'm dishonorable and I'm not worthy of Donnie, who's the kindest person in the world. It'll never happen again. I love Donnie and I want to save our marriage. Raph knows that and he regrets it just as much as I do, so please don't punish him. Punish me. I deserve it. I only held his hand for the last time. That was all."

"Yeah. What Leo said," Raphael said, as his heart disintegrated. "I'm sorry and I'll never….I'd never wanna hurt Donnie. I'm deeply ashamed of myself. Please forgive me."  
"Donatello's forgiveness is the one you should seek," Splinter said coldly. "Both of you will speak to him on the phone, but you will never have time alone together, because I do not trust you and I know Donatello won't either. Leonardo, call your husband and put it on speaker for us all to hear."

Leo dialed Donnie's number and said in a broken voice, "Don, it's me."  
"Oh. Hey, Leo. I saw the cutest thing earlier. You know you mentioned you want to cross dress? I saw a blue dress that'd look awesome on you."  
"Donnie, you're on speaker!" Leo said and blushed in mortification that his family knew he wanted to play dress up.  
"Oh. Sorry. Hey, everyone."  
Leo took a deep breath and said, as his heart pounded, "Donnie, there's no easy way to say this, but me and Raph…."  
"You and Raph what?"

"They've been fucking," Mikey chimed in. "Leo cheated on you, bro."  
"Come again?" Donnie said, not sure he'd heard the words right. "Leo….."

"Leo made love ta me," Raphael said. "More than once, but we're eternally sorry, Donnie…"  
"Now it makes sense," Donnie said bitterly. "You sounded strange, because you knew you'd done something wrong that'd deeply hurt me, Leo. You screwed Raphael behind my back. You promised you'd stay faithful. What about your vows? Are they worthless and meaningless to you? How long has it been going on? Do you love him?"  
"Donnie," Raphael said. "He adores ya…."  
"Fucking shut up, Raphael. I'm not talking to you. Leo, answer me. Do you love him?"

"No. I love you. I always have, Donnie," Leo said. "I'm sorry. I lost control and I…I really want to make it work between us and make it up to you and…I'm sorry. I…"  
"Raphael lied and said he didn't want you. He does, doesn't he and he pursued you, didn't he?"  
"No! It was me. Don't blame Raph. It was me. I swear. I'm sorry. I'll do anything to make it work."  
"Yeah? I want Raph gone when he's laid the eggs. That's what I want, because I don't believe you. I believe our brother planned it all and took advantage of our absence to seduce you! You're not the type to lose control. Come on and least of all to a brash, stupid, barbaric asshole!"

"Yer right, Donnie. It was all me," Raphael said. "I've wanted Leo for years and I sought him out as soon as ya left. Am I sorry? No. I love him, I always will and I'll always treasure what we had. I'll leave when I've laid the eggs and I know the score. Yer his husband and I'll stay away from him. I swear. That's what me and Leo discussed at breakfast. He told me he loves ya and he regrets it, because he loves ya. I was just a cheap lay and all he feels is brotherly affection ta me. That's the truth, Donnie, so come home, talk ta Leo and make things work. Ya belong together. I know ya will never forgive me, but forgive yer husband. He's sorry and he'll never hurt ya again. He'll spend his life provin' his devotion and love and I….I'm trash and a home wrecker and all I deserve is scorn and derision."  
"You're absolutely right, Raphael!" Donnie said furiously. "You're a piece of shit and I'll never forgive you. I'm coming home, Leo, and we'll talk, but I want Raphael to stay away from us."

"I'll see to it," Splinter said. "Raphael, go to your room and stay there!"

Raphael left the kitchen and went to his room, his head bowed and tears streaming down his cheeks. I'll never stop lovin' Leo, he thought. Maybe a miracle will happen and he'll leave Donnie.. I'll never stop hopin'.

"Thank you, Donnie," Leo said. "I swear I'll make it up to you. I love you."  
"Talk is cheap," Donnie said icily. "I can't believe you did this to me. I feel like a dagger pierced my heart, Leo. Mikey I'd understand perhaps if you had to cheat, but Raphael? You have nothing in common with that asshole. Nothing. What the fuck were you thinking? You could have said no! I have to go. See you later," Don said and ended the call.

"Nice going, big bro!" Mikey said sarcastically. "What were you thinking, Leo?"  
"I…."  
"You don't deserve Donnie's forgiveness and neither does Raph. You know what you should do? You should leave with your bed mate and forge a life with him elsewhere, because you'll never be forgiven. Not really. No relationship can bounce back from that kind of betrayal. There'll always be distrust and suspicion. You've lost my respect. Some husband and leader you are. I'm ashamed of you."

Mikey left the kitchen.

Mikey has a point, Leo thought. I've dishonored Donnie and the family and I don't know how to fix all the hurt I've caused. I'm such a jerk, but you know the crazy thing is that I still want Raph. How fucked up is that?

Leo checked no one was around, went to Raphael's room, opened the door and stepped inside.

XXXX

Leo locked the door and saw that his emerald skinned brother was sitting on the floor, head in his hands, sobs wracking his body.

Leo went over to him, tilted up his face and said, "Raphie, stop crying. I'm here."

Raphael raised his tear stained face and said, "Go away, Leo. Dad will flip if he sees ya here."  
"I'm not going anywhere. This is such a mess. I want to fix things with Donnie, but I don't want to lose you."  
"Go away, Leo. Ya can't…."  
"I want you," Leo said and cupped Raphael's cheek. "I'll do what I can when I can, but I don't want to lose you."  
"I want us permanent, Leo. I know I said I'd be prepared for crumbs, but I don't want that. I don't wanna sneak 'round and I wanna be with ya heart, body and soul, so ya got a choice. Him or me. Ya can't have both and if ya pick me, be prepared for shit. Either way, someone's gonna get hurt. If ya pick me, we can leave now and make a life somewhere else with any young, but if ya pick him, we've gotta end now, because I don't wanna just be somethin' ya have fun with when ya can. I got feelings and pride and as much as I love ya, I can't do crumbs. I want all of ya and I wanna be yer mate for life. Make yer decision now," Raphael said, his green eyes boring into Leo's.

 **A/N What will Leo's decision be?**


	8. Donnie's reaction

"I can't, Raph," Leo said. "I can't leave him. Please understand it's not because I don't want to, but I have obligations and the family would be outraged. We'd be cast out and…."  
Raphael's heart disintegrated, as tears streamed down his cheeks, and he said in a broken voice, his hand on his heart, "Then ya've made yer choice. I'll respect it, but I'll never stop lovin' ya. I'll keep my distance and I won't meddle in yer affairs. Please go. I need ta be alone."  
"Raph, please don't hate me," Leo said and touched his arm.  
"I don't hate ya, hon. I could never hate ya. I'm just sad ya can't man up. That's all. We'd have been amazin' together. Us and the babies, but I can't change yer mind. I'll be civil ta ya and I won't treat ya like shit. Please go now."  
"Raph…."  
"Leo, now. I won't ask ya again. Just go and don't come back unless ya've changed yer mind."  
The leader sighed and said, "I'm sorry I'm hurting you."  
"No, Leo. Yer hurtin' us both, because yer never gonna be happy with Donnie and ya know we were meant ta be together, so yer bein' a moron. Yer just stickin' with him outta fear of upsettin' Sensei and Donnie. That's insane, but ya know what? I always thought ya had more guts than that, but I guess I was wrong. Yer just Splinter junior after all and me? Well, I'm the home wrecker and I'm despised by everyone. I could feel the venom drippin' offa Mikey and Splinter. I'm a shit in their eyes and also Donnie's. That ain't gonna change. Now leave."  
"Can I kiss you goodbye?"  
Raphael shook his head and said, "No. Just go, Leo. It's better that way."  
"I do love you, Raph," Leo said miserably.  
"Really? If ya really loved me, Leo, ya'd fight for our love and we'd leave together, but yer a coward. A coward, who's prepared ta live a lie for the resta his life just so he don't upset his old dad, when he coulda had the best life with his soulmate. Yet I'll love ya forever. Stupid me, huh, but then love is blind, ain't it? And don't think it's gonna be roses with Donnie. He's always gonna watch us like hawks and will be suspicious. Can't blame him, but…." Raphael turned his back on Leo and said, as tears ran his down face, "Go now."  
"I do love you, Raph," Leo said in a small voice. "And I wish things could be different."  
"Then grow a spine, Leo. It's that simple."  
"It's not…"  
"It is, Leo. Sure, ya don't wanna leave Donnie and hurt him, but don't ya see that nothin' ya do can erase that hurt and that yer hurtin' yerself and him by stayin', because the relationship can never recover unless ya both work at it and I can't see Donnie forgivin' yer betrayal? The kindest thing ya could do is walk away, but again, yer honor and yer fear of pissin' Splinter off prevents ya from doin' that. Coward."  
"You're right. I am a coward," Leo wept. "But I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. Don't you see that?"  
"Ya've made yer decision. I've got nothin' else ta say ta ya, Leo. Go before I say somethin' I regret."  
"I'll miss you. I already do. I wish things could be different."  
"Yeah. So do I."  
"I'll think about you and I hope you can forgive me someday and understand my decision."  
"I don't hate ya, Leo, and I kinda understand yer decision, even though I loathe it. Yer the fuckin' golden boy and ya don't wanna upset yer Master, but ya also gotta understand that ya can't please everyone and that people will get hurt no matter what ya do. Sadly, it's me, but shit. That's life, ain't it? I always get the raw end of the stick. That ain't gonna change."  
"You're remarkable, Raph, and I hope you meet someone deserving of you and I'm not a golden boy. I just want to do the right thing."  
"Hah. The right thing? Leo, there ain't no right thing here. Workin' on yer marriage ta please Splinter ain't the right thing. Don't ya get it? The right thing would be bein' true ta yerself and Donnie and leavin', instead of llivin' a lie! Damn it. We're talkin' in circles. As for someone else, yeah, right! Why would I want someone else when no one else compares ta ya, even if ya break my heart? Please leave. I'm done talkin'."  
"I…" Leo said, as his eyes brimmed with tears. "I love you. I always will."

Leo left, torn up that he'd hurt Raphael, but he'd thought he'd made the right decision. He couldn't run away with Raphael and displease Splinter and he owed it to Donnie to work on their marriage, didn't he? Maybe Raphael would meet someone someday, this would all be water under the bridge and all the tension in the family would be over. He could hope, right? Wasn't that really what he wanted? Harmony? And harmony wouldn't be achieved if he followed his heart and left with Raphael.

Raphael collapsed on his bed in a flood of tears and thought, I ain't gonna love no one the way I love Leo, because despite everythin', I love him ta the moon and back and I always will. I'll never stop hopin' for a miracle that he tells me he's leavin' with me. I got a feelin' Donnie's gonna be on the warpath when he arrives home. Hell hath no fury like a pissed off mate and I'm gonna be the target of his rage. I'm gonna steer clear of him.

XXXX

Leo and Raphael kept their distance from one another the rest of the day.

Raphael spent the day reading comics in his room and Leo meditated in his room.

Donnie arrived home later that day and was outraged when he saw Raphael watching TV in the lounge.

"You sack of shit!" Donnie yelled, grabbing Raphael's arm, yanking him to his feet and then punching him in the beak. "You fucking asshole! How could you, Raphael?"

Hearing the ruckus, Leo left his room, ran to the lounge, wedged himself between his mate and Raphael and received the second blow intended for Raphael. It landed on his jaw.

"Stop it!" Leo shouted, seeing Raphael rub his aching beak and then wincing. "Stop it, Donnie. Back off of Raph."

Leo's cries alerted Mikey and Splinter, who soon appeared in the lounge.

"Defending the little cock sucker, are you?" Donnie raged, his eyes blazing. "Get out of the way, Leo!"  
"I won't. Raph, go to your room. It's okay. Go."

"I ain't gonna leave ya, Leo," Raphael said firmly. "Look, it was my fault. I deserve yer crap, Donnie. I deserve it in spades. Leo, let me take it."

"What is going on?" Splinter demanded. "Donatello?"  
"I punched Raph, Dad, and I don't regret it. The fucking creep deserves it! It's his damn fault. Me and Leo were happy until he screwed my husband! I hate him. I fucking hate him. I want him gone when he's laid the eggs. I want him banished and cast out, like the little whore he is!"

"I'm exactly that," Raphael said. "Yer right. I'm trash and I'll leave if that's what ya want."  
"It is!" Donnie snapped. "I can't bear to even look at you, you despicable bastard! How could you do that to me?"

"Just a minute!" Leo chimed in. "Raph's not a slut and he's not solely to blame. I…"  
"Stop defending him, dude," Mikey said irately. "Sure, you fucked up, Leo, but Raph knew you were taken and he pursued you. He's a little slut. I've lost my respect for him and for you. I agree with Donnie. Raph should be exiled. He's garbage. Poor Donnie."

"I agree," Splinter said coldly. "Raphael, you'll leave when any eggs have been laid. You're a disgrace. Leonardo, you'll work on your marriage and if I find out you've bedded Raphael again, I'll toss you out with him. Do you understand, Leonardo?"  
"Y-yes, but stop blaming Raph. It wasn't all him. It was me too. I'm just as guilty. Don't I deserve punishment?"

"Oh. I have one in store," Donnie said frostily. "It's going to take a long time for us to ever get back what we had and for me to trust you, Leo. You'll have to prove you're sincere and if I find you've screwed that shit again, I'll dump you so fast your head will spin and you won't see the kids. You'll only have supervised time with Raphael, because I don't fucking trust you guys and I have every confidence that jerk will use his wanton ways to tempt you!"  
"I'll watch you guys too!" Mikey said.

"So will I," Splinter said. "Raphael, go to your room!"

"STOP!" Leo screamed. "Stop blaming him. Stop it. I could have said no. Damn it."  
"Leo, if you don't move your butt to our room now, I'll dump you and will deny you access to the babies," Donnie threatened.  
"Y-yes, Donnie," Leo said meekly, hating himself for being so pathetic, but he didn't want to lose the babies. Raphael was right. He was a fucking coward.

Leo and Donnie went to their room.

Raphael saw Mikey and Splinter shoot poisonous looks at him and with his shoulders slumped, and his heart broken, he went to his room, knowing he'd never get time with Leo again as long as Donnie was around. That miracle of Leo changing his mind wasn't going to happen, because more than anything, he wanted to be a dad. He'd stay with Donnie, even if it was absolute hell, just so that could happen. Donnie would never stop using that as a weapon and truthfully, in some ways Raphael couldn't blame him, even if was low, because he knew he also would stop at nothing to keep his mate.

XXXXX

Raphael entered his room and threw himself on the bed, as tears rained down his face. Oh, Leo, he thought. Things coulda been so different. They still could be if ya'd man up and fight us for. Please do that. Please.

The door opened and a furious Donnie entered, his hands on his hips, eyes blazing.

"Raphael, Leo's locked in his room, so I thought we could continue our chat," Donnie said irately.  
"Ya said all ya wanna say."  
"No. I haven't, you bastard. I haven't even begun. Get up and fight."  
"I ain't gonna fight ya, Donnie. Ya won, Leo, okay? Ya got him."  
"I want to fight. Are you a chicken?"

Raphael didn't reply.

Donnie's blood boiled, he pulled Raphael to his feet by his belt and said, "Fight me."  
"I won't. Go on. Hit me. Beat me ta a pulp and kill me even, but if ya do, there ain't gonna be no babies."

Donnie knew Raphael had him by the balls so to speak. He wanted babies and if he harmed Raphael, he'd never have any.

"You fucking creep," Donnie said and punched Raphael's jaw, making him wince. "You stay away from Leo. Do you fucking hear me? Because I will kill you when you've laid the eggs if you don't."  
"Relax. I said I'd keep my distance and I will, but I can't say the same for Leo. He loves me and what we had wasn't just fuckin'. We got chemistry, passion and love. Yer marriage is borin' and he's only with ya outta obligation and because ya and Splinter are threatenin' him with banishment and with not seein' the babies! Wow. That's low. He loves me and ya know what? There'll come a day when he plucks up the courage and leaves and guess what? Me and Leo are gonna have the most incredible future together and ya will be alone. How's that, egghead?"  
"SCREW YOU! Leo loves me and could never love a slut like you!" Donnie yelled.  
"We'll see. Get out. I need my beauty rest and yer stressin' me out. I don't need that, because stress could mean no babies and we can't have that. Go ta bed and leave me alone."  
"You supercilious, impertinent jackass!"  
"Ya done?"  
"I'm going to make your life a misery."  
"I'm sure ya will, but I can take it, brainiac, knowin' that he'll leave ya and that when he's with ya, he's thinkin' 'bout me, especially when yer makin' love, because I've got his heart. Ya got ta stay him outta fear and obligation. That ain't love and ya know it."  
"I hate you. I really hate you and I can't wait for the day you leave."  
"Me either and I'll be leavin' with my husband and babies. Ya know the way out."

Donnie kicked over a chair in fury and stormed out.

I was right, Raphael thought. Donnie's gonna cause shit. Leo, be true ta yerself for once and grow a spine. Ya don't gotta be the golden boy this time and ya don't need Splinter's damn approval. Ya don't gotta be afraid. We'll be more than fine on our own. Our love will help us through whatever life throws at us, so leave him, Leo, and come ta me. Please.

 **A/N Next up is the pregnancy test, so a time skip of three weeks.**

 **Will Leo ever grow a spine?**


	9. Gravid Raph

THREE WEEKS LATER: JULY 26

A miserable Raphael had been confined to his bedroom by Splinter for the past few weeks with the door locked and had only been allowed out for meals and to use the bathroom. Meal times were frosty, Donnie shooting poisonous glances at Raphael every opportunity he got and making snide remarks and Leo looking like he wished he was somewhere else.

Raphael had spent his time writing in his journal, talking to Casey on the phone, painting, drawing, reading and contemplating life. Sometimes he wondered if he should end things. It'd be so easy, but that'd mean quitting and leaving behind the one person he treasured most in his life and he couldn't and wouldn't do that to Leo and allow Donnie to have the satisfaction that he was gone. He'd suck up his punishment and hopefully Leo would grow a damn spine and would declare his love for him. He didn't resent Leo one iota. He was just sad it'd come to this, because it could all have been avoided if Leo had only manned up and said he loved Raphael. They could have lived happily in another part of the sewers and been free to love one another as they wished.

Casey and April had been a huge source of support to Raphael. The hothead had thought April would be on team Donnie, because she was close to him, but while she made it clear that she didn't condone cheating or the circumstances, she still loved Raphael like a brother and she'd always be there for him. She felt the same way about Donnie, but when the genius learned from April that she'd still support Raphael, he went nuts and said she had to take a side, his, because Raphael was an asshole and if she didn't, they couldn't be friends anymore. April had refused and Donnie had cut ties with her and Casey and had ordered Leo to do the same thing.

Donnie now wore the pants in his and Leo's relationship and monitored Leo's every movement, including his usage on his phone and computer, so Raphael couldn't even e-mail or text him without Donnie's knowledge.

The lair was thick with tension and with the rage emanating from the once mild mannered and gentle Donnie. He barked at his husband, was irritable, found fault with everything Leo did and constantly talked about what a waste of space Raphael was. Leo never said a word, which pissed Donnie off more and they had screaming matches. Well, Donnie did the shouting. Leo accepted it, knowing it was his fault that Donnie was this way and that he deserved what he got. Leo felt dreadful for Raphael and wished he could talk to him, but that was impossible, because Donnie never let the ex-leader out of his sight, even when he went to the bathroom and when he meditated in the dojo.

Sex between Leo and Donnie was non-existent, Donnie sleeping with his shell to his husband at night and Leo doing the same thing.

Leo tried to heal the rift with his spouse by being romantic, spoiling Donnie, learning to make his favorite meal and even taking him for a weekend away to the farmhouse, but nothing had worked. Their marriage was effectively dead and nothing would change that.

Life was a living hell for Leo, but he still hadn't left, Donnie's threat of him never seeing the kids and of Splinter's wrath making him stay. It didn't matter that he and Raphael were the biological parents, (Raphael still didn't know)because he knew Donnie would never allow them to have the kids, especially as they were honor bound to the contract and Donnie knew Leo hated breaking his promises, but then again Leo had broken his vows. Something he'd thought he'd never do, so ignoring the contract wouldn't be that outlandish then. So, did he have the confidence to confess his love for Raphael and to leave? Nope. What a wuss he was. Terrified of his husband and dad and unable to summon up courage to follow his heart. He really didn't deserve Raphael's love.

XXXX

Raphael woke up at 7 a.m. on July 26, feeling bilious. He sprang out of bed, upchucked into the small garbage bin he kept in his bathroom, sank to his knees and threw up again.

"Raphael!" Donnie yelled from outside his bedroom. "I can hear you puking. Can you be quiet? I'm trying to rest!"  
"I feel sick. Think I'm gravid."

The door was unlocked and Donnie stepped inside, flanked by Leo.

"How long has this been going on, Raphael?" Donnie demanded, as Leo lowered his eyes to the ground, knowing if he looked at Raphael, Donnie would pitch a fit and would accuse him of making eyes at him. Donnie had done that before.  
"Just since this mornin'. Ya think it's my baby?"  
"MINE!" Donnie corrected and glowered at Raphael. "It's not yours. You keep forgetting that, asshole. You gave up your rights and are just the gestational carrier."  
"Donnie," Leo said. "He has….."  
"Fucking shut up, Leo!" Donnie snapped, his hazel eyes blazing. "Be useful and make me some damn coffee, while I take this shithead to the lab and examine him."

"DON'T TALK TA LEO THAT WAY!" Raphael roared, his green eyes flinty. "Be mad at me and hit me if ya wanna, but leave Leo alone. He's apologized countless times for what happened and knowin' him, he's probably bent over backwards tryin' ta make up for it, but ya won't give an inch and ya continue ta badger him and ta shout at him as if he's trash. I am. He ain't, okay? He's sweet, kind, lovin' and the most fantastic bein' alive. Yer blessed ta have him and ya don't deserve him. I ain't sayin' I do neither, but ya don't, because ya don't appreciate him and all he does. All ya do is holler at him. Some fuckin' husband ya are and what kinda environment is that gonna be for the baby? If ya loved Leo, ya'd let him go, because he ain't fuckin' happy with ya. Look at him. He's only stayin' outta obligation and guilt and…."  
"I'm staying, because I love Donnie," Leo said quickly, fearful Donnie would explode.  
"Hahaha. Really?" Raphael scoffed. "Leo, we all know that ain't true and genius here ain't man enough ta let ya walk away and ta be happy with someone else. He'd rather be in a loveless marriage and force ya ta be with him than for ya ta be happy with me. Wow. How selfish is that? Leo loves me and I love him. That ain't gonna change."

"My coffee now, Leonardo!" Donnie hissed, forcing himself to ignore Raphael's outburst and not to slap him.  
"Yeah, Leo. There's a good and meek hubby," Raphael taunted, as Leo bowed his head. "Do what Master Donnie tells ya ta do. Good boy."

Leo left the room, his shoulders slumped, and went to the kitchen.

"Lab, slut," Donnie barked.  
"Ya think ya've got him by the balls, don't ya, Donatello?" Raphael said. "For now, but my Leo will man up and we'll be together. It's just a matter of time, because he ain't no bitch or a submissive."  
"HE'S NOT YOUR LEO! STOP SAYING THAT!"  
"He is and that's somethin' ya can't change, Donatello," Raphael said and smirked. "He loves me and our love will live on forever, unlike this sham of a marriage, because ya got nothin' but ashes, distrust and suspicions."  
Donnie slapped Raphael across the face, making him wince, and said, "Lab now, trash, and you're wrong. Leo will never leave me, especially for a whore like you."  
"Hmm. We'll see," Raphael said and grinned, making Donnie want to slap him again.

Donnie stalked out.

Raphael laughed and followed the genius to the lab.

XXXXX

Donnie ordered Raphael to sit on the stretcher in the lab. Then he took a blood sample from Raphael to determine whether high levels of a hormone called beta-HCG were present.

Leo stood in the corner, his arms crossed.

Donnie's cup of coffee was on the desk nearby.

"How long will it take ta get the results?" Raphael asked.  
"About fifteen minutes," Donnie said. "If it hasn't worked, we'll have another round of artificial insemination. I want a baby and you'll give me that. You owe me that after all the shit you've caused."  
"I owe ya nothin' and I ain't doin' this for ya. I'm doin' it for Leo outta love. I know he'll be a terrific daddy and he's always wanted ta be one."  
"So will I and you'll soon be out of here. I can't wait until you leave. Neither can Leo."  
"Stop speakin' for him. He's got a voice, dickhead."  
"Leo!" Donnie barked.

"Sorry? What was the question? My mind was elsewhere," Leo lied, not wishing to take part in the argument.  
Raphael laughed and said, "I bet he heard and he don't wanna get involved."

"Leo, he's goading me," Donnie said irately. "I'm tired of it."  
"Aw. Who's a little liar now? So, how many more minutes?" Raphael asked.  
"Twelve," Donnie said and sipped his coffee.  
"Cool. So, Leo said I get perks when I'm gravid. I get waited on hand and foot. That's gonna be a blast. Hmm. Both of ya doin' what I want, but I got a problem. Apparently, I'm gonna be real horny, so here's what I'd like. Leo can blow me. What? Why are ya lookin' pissed, Donnie? Ya want me ta be happy, right and stress free and nothin' cures stress better than a blow job?"  
Donnie's face darkened in rage and he yelled, "NO ONE IS GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, YOU LITTLE WHORE!"

"Raph," Leo chimed in, desperate to calm his mate down. "Please stop inciting Donnie. It's not funny. You'll be waited on, but it doesn't extend to sex. I'm Donnie's and you have to respect that."  
Raphael snorted and said, "That's right. Defend the creep as always, but ya will have sex with me, because ya know what? Ya'll be so turned on when I'm gravid and swollen with the baby, ya'll love my softer features, will make love ta me and then ya'll grow a fuckin' spine and we'll leave."  
"Raph, that won't happen," Leo said quickly, as Donnie's eyes flashed dangerously.  
"It will, because ya will also see that the baby can't live here in this shit environment and he or she'd be better somewhere else. Hmm. Guess I can start thinkin' of baby names."

"MY KID!" Donnie fumed. "And you're wrong. Leo won't leave."  
Raphael rolled his eyes and said, "How many minutes?"  
"Five," Donnie spat.  
"Gettin' ta ya, am I?" Raphael said and beamed. "Great. That makes my day. I'm gonna write up a list of all I want, startin' with…..I want ya ta create a bank account in a fake name of course and put my money in it, so I can take care of myself when I'm outta here."  
Donnie said irritably, "Fine. Two minutes."  
Raphael patted his plastron and said, "This is so excitin'. Me and Leo are havin' a baby."  
"ME AND LEO!"

Leo wondered if he should reveal that he was the biological dad, but he decided against it when Donnie shot him a vicious look, warning him not to.

"Calm down there, brainiac. Yer gonna give yerself an apoplexy," Raphael said and chuckled. "So, am I gravid?"

Donnie checked the blood sample, his eyes lit up when he saw the result and he then turned to the others.

"Raphael's gravid," Donnie said. "Three weeks along and will probably drop the egg in January. It'll hatch approximately March twenty-sixth."  
Raphael pumped his fists in the air in jubilation, his green eyes shining, and said, "I'm gravid. Wow. I'm so stoked. I can't wait ta hold my baby."  
"Mine and Leo's," Donnie snapped. "Not yours, Raphael. If you want a baby, go down to the whore house and fuck a guy. That's the only way you'll have one, because this is mine and Leo's."

"Donnie!" Leo broke in, his heart heavy, knowing he had a decision to make now that Raphael was gravid. Did he flee with Raphael and his baby or continue to stay in his doomed marriage, have his kid live in a warring household and deny Raphael the baby?  
"What?" Donnie demanded.  
"Raph's been generous to carry the baby for us, so please remember that. If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be parents and he isn't a whore, despite what you think of him."

"Yeah, Donatello," Raphael said and patted his plastron. "I have, so ya should show me respect and gratitude."  
Donnie frowned and said, "Fine. Six months will be like torture for me, but you'll have all you desire until you lay the eggs and I'll be as nice as I can."  
"That includes Leo."  
"It doesn't include my husband, you despicable being! He's not on the table. Now, regarding your diet. There'll be no more junk food, unless it's a cheat day. You'll mostly have veggies, chicken, salads and fish. You can't eat shellfish, sushi or drink alcohol. I want the best nutrition for Anastasia. Leo and I want to name our daughter that and if we have a boy, we like Carlos."  
"What's the bet Leo didn't have a say in it?" Raphael said and rolled his eyes. "That's fine."  
"You'll rise at six and go to bed at seven p.m. Your exercise is limited to walking. I'll read up on Lamaze classes and we'll practice breathing exercises to help you during your labor."  
"Fine. Anythin' else?"  
"You're leaving as soon as you've laid the eggs and none of us will have contact with you, so you're on your own. You don't get a say in the nursey decorating and I don't want you buying clothes and toys for the baby. Nothing."

"Come on, Donnie. That's a bit…." Leo said.  
"Shut up, Leo. It's our baby. Gestational carriers don't buy things for the baby. They just carry it, give birth and move along. Now, Raphael, I will examine you weekly and we'll conduct the first sonogram in two weeks' time. I want you to go to bed now and rest. Mikey will bring you your breakfast in a while. Leo and I have things to do, but I will check on you all the time and ensure you're doing as ordered."  
"Yes, Donatello," Raphael said and rolled his eyes.

"Donnie," Leo said and hesitated.  
"What?"  
"May I….touch his tail to see if there's a bulge? I just want to see if….." Leo stammered.  
"Briefly."

Leo lightly ran his fingers along Raphael's tail, making him shiver, and smiled when he felt a slight bulge, which he knew was the beginning of an egg. His baby. His and Raphael's.

The ex-leader reached a decision, the pregnancy forcing him to make it.

"I hate the name, Anastasia," Leo whispered into Raphael's ear slits. "I prefer Hope. I miss you and I love you, Raphie. I always will. Just give me some time to come up with an escape plan. Please."

"What are you whispering about?" Donnie demanded, seeing Raphael's face light up at Leo's words.  
"Leo just said he preferred Hope. That's all and I love it too," Raphael said.  
"It's a crappy name. No. Raphael, go lie down now."  
"Aye, aye, captain," Raphael said and gave Donnie a mock salute.

Raphael left the lab, walked to his bedroom and thought, his eyes shining in elation, I'm gravid and I'm gonna name a girl Hope. I love it and it's symbolic, because I got hope now that I know Leo still loves me and wants me. Hope, me and Leo. Our little perfect family. And if we have a boy, I'll give him Casey's name for a middle and I kinda like Jacob as a first name. I can't wait ta meet the baby, ta hold him or her and ta see the look on Leo's face when he meets the baby for the first time.

 **A/N Will Leo really flee with Raph?**


	10. Hope

Raphael dialed a number and said, "Hey, Case. How's the family?"  
"Aviana keeps us up all hours. I've had maybe four hours sleep in three days, but I wouldn't change it for the world. Being a dad is the best thing I've ever done. How are you? The family still giving you shit?"  
"Yeah, but that ain't why I'm callin'. I wanted ta tell ya my happy news. I'm gravid. Three weeks along. Baby's gonna hatch in March."  
"That's awesome, bro. I'm stoked. Yeah. So soon you'll be as fat as April, huh?"

"I heard that, Casey!" April muttered in the background and punched her husband's arm.

Casey laughed and said, "It's true. You ballooned, babe, but I loved you anyway. So, Raph, that'll happen to you too, huh?"  
"No. Turtle's bellies don't swell like humans when they're gravid, but my tail will. The egg will come outta my cloaca. Normal red-eared sliders lay between two to thirty-two eggs, but I'll probably lay two max. Thank fuck. It's gonna hurt like a bitch. I might wanna nest and bask though. I imagine Donnie will set up heat lamps, so I can. I might wanna have my babies in sand or swaddled in blankets. That's instinct kickin' in. I may be a mutant Turtle, but I still got my animal instincts."  
"Are you scared?"  
"No. I don't look forward ta the pain, but I ain't scared. I can't wait ta hold my baby or babies and see the joy in Leo's eyes when he sees them. And knowin' I did it. I gave him the babies he's always wanted. Not Donnie. Not no one else. Me. Fucked up me."  
"You're not fucked up, Raph. Your family is. I hate the way they treat you, especially Leo. He has no backbone. He fucks you, takes advantage of you and then discards you like trash."  
"Hey. Fuckin' don't talk 'bout him that way," Raphael growled. "It ain't true. Leo's amazin'. Ya just don't understand….He said he's gonna find a way ta leave. I believe him."  
"Understand? Are you kidding me? You screw, he says he loves you, then runs back to Donnie like a puppy and lets Donnie and the family treat you like shit. How is that love, Raph? You stand up for the person you love, not let them be abused! Stop defending him. Leo's spineless and doesn't deserve you. He won't leave, Raph. He's just sayin' that."  
"I still love him. I always will and I won't listen ta ya speak ill of him," Raphael said in a clipped tone. "Leo will leave with me. He'll..."  
"If he loved you, he'd take the baby and leave with you, but he's letting Donnie control his every move and letting you be maltreated. He doesn't love you. You were merely a good fuck to him, Raph. That's the truth. You have to accept it. Damn it. Leo doesn't deserve you. Stop defending the prick! You know I'm right. Leo used you. You're nothing to him, but a gestational carrier. He doesn't even love you like a brother anymore….."  
"Yer wrong!" Raphael roared, his green eyes flashing and threw the phone onto the floor. The screen shattered, but he didn't care. He was tired of Casey and his condemnation of Leo. The bastard was wrong about Leo. So fucking wrong. Leo loved him. He was just terrified of his family's reaction if he walked out on them with Raphael. You couldn't blame Leo. He'd always been the golden boy, the pillar of self-control and virtue. And now he was a pariah for breaking his sacred marriage vows and for disappointing his beloved dad, whose praise he'd always craved.

Raphael saw the pointed looks Splinter gave Leo and the latter's pained looks. Splinter didn't meditate with Leo anymore, refused to even talk to him and he wouldn't train him.

Leo spent his days in his room going through his katas and meditating.

With one mistake, Leo was no longer the wonder boy and had fallen from grace. How that must crush him. Him, who tried so hard to please everyone. Raphael had always called him an asslicker when he'd wanted to piss him off.

Then there was Mikey. The usually forgiving and cheerful Turtle avoided Leo like the plague. They'd always been close.

And Donnie? Well, all he did was fight with Leo and treat him like crap and he just took it, looking like a wounded puppy, who'd been kicked. Maybe Donnie did hit him. Raphael suspected he did. He'd seen a shiner under Leo's eyes. A huge purple bruise. How fucking dare the genius manhandle his Leo!

Everyone must have seen it, but no one said a word, as if Leo deserved it.

And him, Raphael?

He didn't care how he was treated. He'd long accepted that he was different and was probably unwanted by his family. He was an outcast with his raging demons, his temper, his passion and stubbornness, but he did care so fucking much how they treated Leo, his love, his soulmate.

His blood boiled when he saw how defeated and broken Leo was. Leo deserved none of the abuse. He deserved hugs, cuddles, love. How he wanted to embrace Leo and kiss him and tell him he didn't deserve it, but the only times he saw Leo were at the kitchen table at mealtimes or if he passed his family on the way to the bathroom. The rest of the time he was confined to his room.

Anyway, it was his, Raphael's fault for the way Leo had fallen from grace and he deserved what he got. He'd pursued Leo like a lovesick teenager, which he was, but still. He'd initiated it all. Not frigging pure and noble Leo, whose eyes no longer shone with happiness. They were almost lifeless and dull.

Yes. It killed him seeing Leo that way and knowing there was nothing he could do. Leo was doomed to be a punching bag for Donnie forever and he, Raphael, would be thrown out of the lair, as soon as he'd laid the eggs. Then he'd probably never see Leo ever again.

Maybe Casey had a point. If Leo's eyes were so soulless and he had no fight, then what he'd said to Raphael was just a lie to placate him and had been false hope. Raphael had just been a bedmate.

Leo lied to him? Really? No. He didn't want to believe that, but maybe fucking Casey was right. In that case, there was no hope. None whatsoever.

Tears pricked Raphael's eyes and then streamed down his cheeks at the thought of being separated from Leo forever. It was hard seeing how shattered he was, but it would be so much harder being apart from him forever. He'd hoped that just maybe Casey, his so-called best friend would help him somehow, but all he'd done was badmouth Leo. Some help he was.

That wasn't what he needed. He needed a miracle, someone on his side, who would help him and Leo escape from their dysfunctional family, but there was no one.

He was all alone and soon he would be alone in the huge wide world too. What was he going to do? There was no doubt his weapons and gear would no longer be his. Splinter would take them from them, stripping him of his identity, his place in the clan, the family, the world. He'd just be a naked and vulnerable Turtle, who would be exposed to the harsh elements, because he didn't belong anywhere anymore. Where would he stay?

Food would probably be scrounged from garbage bins in the dead of night.

Maybe he could beg to work for the Shredder. He wouldn't have any pride anymore or owe anyone any loyalty, because he'd no longer be Hamato Raphael. He'd have to change his first name too, because it wasn't his any longer either. Splinter had chosen it. Yeah. He could join the Foot. Sure, he'd be hated there as well, but at least he'd have someplace to sleep and would have food. It would be better than starving to death.

No, it wouldn't. He'd rather starve than work for that psychopath, Shredder. What would Leo think of him if he ever found out he worked for tin can? He couldn't bear the thought of Leo thinking terribly of him and speaking harshly about him.

Well, the next best thing would be ending his life. Not something he wished to do, but it would be better than grieving forever over his lost love and being totally alone. People thought he liked being alone. No, he didn't. Being alone made him think dark thoughts, which plagued him and left him shaking like a leaf. Thoughts that he wasn't loved or wanted, that he was a monster, who didn't belong anywhere and that he was better off dead.

Then he'd crumble and cry into his pillow like a fucking girl. How pathetic.

No, he couldn't handle it if he was cast out, stripped of everyone and everything he loved, especially his Leo. It would be hell for him. Splinter knew it too and didn't care. No one did. Well, Leo did, but he was so fucking petrified of the genius he wouldn't do anything either. Leo, who'd always tried to soothe his raging demons. He'd be left to do that on his own and he couldn't, wouldn't be able to. His demons would tear him apart.

And no one would save him.

I'll be alone. I'll be consumed by the darkness, Raphael thought miserably, more tears falling down his face. I'll shatter and die. I won't be missed. I'm a worthless demon.

Donnie rapped on the door, opened it and said, "Fuckface, Usagi's here. Dad said you could join us."  
Raphael wiped away his tears with the back of his hand and said, "Fine."  
"Are you sniveling?" Donnie said almost gleefully, taking in Raphael's tear-stained face. "Aw, poor dickhead. Well, it serves you right for bedding my Leo!"  
"No," Raphael snapped and pushed past his brother. He headed to the lounge, where everyone would be congregated.

I won't let him see me cry, Raphael resolved. I won't give him that fuckin' satisfaction. Why's the bunny here?

XXXX

Raphael entered the lounge and sat down on the sofa next to his dad, who scooted to the end of the couch, as if Raphael was a contagious disease.

Donnie now had his hand on Leo's thigh, as they occupied another sofa.

Mikey and Usagi chose to remain standing.

"Sorry for dropping in unannounced," the rabbit said. "I will go if it's a problem."  
"None at all," Splinter said. "You may stay for long as you like."  
"Thank you. How is everyone?"

"We were fine," Donnie said coldly, "Until Raphael fucked Leo when I was out of town. How are you?"

Thick tension filled the lair, as no one said a word.

"Maybe this isn't a good time and I should leave," Usagi said, breaking the silence.

Raphael's all too familiar demons threatened to rear their heads at the bluntness. Not for what had been said about him. He could take it, but for the way Leo had shifted his body and hung his head, looking like a wounded animal. How dare Donnie humiliate Leo that way!

He slowly counted to ten in Japanese to try and calm himself down, a technique Splinter had taught him, hoping to soothe the beast in him. It worked. He was calm.

"No. Please stay," Splinter said. "We would like to hear about your adventures, Usagi-san. Michelangelo, why don't you make Usagi-san and us something to eat?"  
"Hai, Sensei!" Mikey said and ran to the kitchen.

Talk turned to Usagi's adventures. He talked animatedly for a long time, everyone hanging on to his every word. They hadn't seen him in over a year.

Mikey had made chicken sandwiches for everyone, which they ate off paper plates on their laps.

Raphael's family peppered the rabbit with questions, but he was quiet. He had no interest in the rabbit, who he'd never regarded as a friend. He was Leo's pal. The rabbit hadn't taken an interest in him either, no doubt thinking him just a meathead and an irritation. Fuck him. Raphael had more layers to him than that.

But now Raphael was interested, because maybe the rabbit could help him. Damn. He was so desperate and would beg on his knees or even blow the rabbit if he had to.

Usagi yawned after several hours and said, "I am sorry, but it's now ten p.m. and I am exhausted. My journey from Japan was extremely taxing. Would you mind if I retired to bed?"  
"Of course not, Usagi-san," Splinter said. "Do you mind sharing Raphael's room? We had no idea a guest was coming and he does have a bed and hammock."  
"You're too gracious, Master Splinter," Usagi said and bowed. "Thank you."

Raphael jumped up and said, "Follow me, Usagi-san."

The rabbit followed Raphael to his bedroom. The Turtle wasn't locked in, because Usagi was there.

XXXX

Raphael shut the door, fell to his knees and said, as his green eyes stared intently into Usagi's, "I need yer help, Usagi-san. Yer my only hope."  
"I don't understand. What with?"  
"Me and Leo had sex, but it wasn't just sex. It was more than that. It was a comin' together of two souls, two hearts and bodies and formin' one whole. We love one another. It wasn't sordid, like Donnie said. Yeah, I know we went behind Donnie's back, but it's love. Not sick or wrong and…. Our family's makin' our lives hell. Donnie hits Leo and we're treated like outcasts. I'm gonna be thrown out when I've laid the eggs and…." Raphael said hysterically.  
"Calm down, Raphael, and stand up. What eggs?"  
"I'm gravid," Raphael said, still kneeling. "I agreed ta carry Donnie and Leo's eggs, so they could have a family. I was just gonna be the surrogate, but then me and Leo happened when Donnie was outta town and now we love one another. Madly and deeply. Donnie found out and he's made Leo's life shit since. He hits him, screams at him and the rest of the family treat him shittily too. I'm confined ta my room and I'm gonna be tossed out when I've laid the eggs. Leo wants ta leave with me, but Donnie threatens him that he won't see the kids if he does, so Leo stays and he's also scared of walkin' out on Dad and all he knows. I got a place for us ta live, but we can't get out. I'm trapped in my room, other than when I'm allowed ta go ta the bathroom and for meals and Leo's every move is watched by Donnie. He can't even go ta the bathroom on his own! Please help us! Ya gotta. I don't want my babies livin' in this hell and I can't be separated from Leo. I love him so damn much. I'll do whatever ya want. I'll even let ya fuck me. I'll be yer Omega for as long as ya want."  
The rabbit placed a paw on Raphael's shoulder and said kindly, "I do not wish to fuck you, Raphael. I am a straight man."  
"Then I'll do whatever else ya want. Anything!" Raphael pleaded, tears running down his cheeks, not caring how pathetic he was.  
"Does Leonardo really love you the way you love him?"  
"Yeah. He adores me, Usagi-san and our love is beautiful, honest and pure. But ya can't speak ta him alone. Donnie don't let anyone, even Mikey be with Leo alone. Donnie is so suspicious and angry all the time. Leo's drowning. Ya gotta help him, us. He's yer friend. Do ya want him ta live this way forever? I know ya ain't got much time for me, but Leo…."  
"Hush, child," Usagi said gently. "Stand up." Raphael did. "I will help you," Usagi added, as he threw an arm around Raphael's waist. "You and Leonardo will be free. Do not cry. I intended on staying here until tomorrow, but I will stay longer and I will think of a way for you to get out. So have faith."

Raphael clung to him, his body wracked by sobs.

"Thank ya, Usagi-san," Raphael said gratefully.  
"You are welcome," Usagi said and pulled away. "Get some sleep and do not act like we have talked. I do not want your family to be suspicious. I will get you and Leonardo out at the first opportunity. I promise."  
"We are forever indebted ta ya," Raphael said, as he climbed into his hammock and then threw the blanket over himself.  
"Rubbish. Leonardo is my friend and you as his brother and lover are my friend too. What are friends for?"  
"He ain't my bio bro. We were just raised as brothers."  
"Same applies," Usagi said, discarding his kimono and then getting into bed. "You're my friend too, Raphael. Now sleep and stop stressing. It isn't good for your babies. Good night."  
"Good night, Usagi-san," Raphael said and closed his eyes, feeling the most peaceful he'd been in ages.

Raphael rubbed his plastron and thought, we'll soon be outta here, my sweet babies. Ya, yer daddy and me. We're gonna have the most amazin' life. Thank hell for Usagi-san. We owe him the moon. I can't wait ta leave and for me and Leo ta be in our own place far away from this hell. I know we're gonna be happy together forever and nothin' or no one will rip us apart ever again.

 **A/N Will Usagi be able to fulfil his promise?**


End file.
